Whether or not you like Cap’n Crunch Oops! All Berries, it’s pretty sensible that an accident at Crunch HQ actually resulted in the cereal. This is manifestly not the case with the Cap’n’s latest “mistake,” Oops! Choco Donuts.

You see, Cap’n Crunchberries were first introduced in 1967. They are a mixture of the regular yellowish things (biscuits, apparently) with some red things that are flavored like berries. But then, in 1997, there was a terrible accident. According to the Cap’n Crunch FAQ, it went down like this:

Despite popular belief, ‘Oops! All Berries’ did not come from an incident at Crunch Headquarters with some mischievous kids. This flavor actually stemmed out of the Capn’s promotion to Admiral. When the Cap’n was promoted, the Quaker Oats Company had to find new Capn’s to fill the positions vacated by the newly promoted Admiral Crunch.

During training at Crunch Headquarters, two new Capn’s — Cap’n Scrinch and Cap’n Munch — were trying to learn how to man the Crunch Berrie and Crunch Biscuit mixing machine that put the two flavors together in the Crunch Berries boxes. While trying to impress Admiral Crunch, they fought over the control handles, breaking them, and creating Cereal Boxes with JUST Berries. Thankfully, the Admiral had his Art Department slap together a box front for the new cereal, which is now enjoyed by millions.

Sure, it’s a little convoluted, but in the end this story makes some sense. In case you were wondering, the Admiral Crunch referred to above is the same guy as Cap’n Crunch. Apparently he was promoted to admiral after years of complaints from fans. It was this very accident that convinced him to resume his post as captain and, hence, a more hands-on role.

So now that the Cap’n is back on the scene, what kind of accident could possibly result in Oops! Choco Donuts? There’s nothing even close to chocolate donuts in any of the other Cap’n Crunch cereals. Certainly, you wouldn’t think that the folks working at Crunch HQ would be eating chocolate donuts for breakfast on the job. Even if they were, there wouldn’t be enough for a whole box of cereal, not to mention millions of boxes. And no broken lever could turn a box of regular Cap’n Crunch into a box of miniature chocolate donuts.

I suppose this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Cap’n Crunch history is filled with weirdness, such as his long battle against the Soggies. Naturally, I’m not the first person to complain about this sad, inexplicable and indefensible turn of events.

I did some errands with my dad today, including a trip to his bank. I remarked that I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been inside a bank, since I pretty much do all my banking through ATMs. My dad, incredibly enough, does not know how to operate an ATM. He said someone showed him once and it seemed confusing.

So after he concluded his business, I decided to do him the favor of giving him a quick demo. And it went well and Dad saw how easy it was. The one question — “Where does the deposit envelope go?” — was handled with ease. But I forgot the last step. I didn’t realize it until I arrived home later, but that last step is crucial. Once your transaction is completed, Dad, remember to remove your ATM card!

Otherwise, the machine eats it and you’ve got to wait 10 business days for them to issue a new card. Argh. That’s the second time in the last few months that I’ve left my card in the machine. Maybe my dad has the right idea after all about not using ATMs.

It seems as though everyone thought the Nets would not be able to bounce back from game three, but I couldn’t see that happenning. Jason Kidd was perfectly calm after the game and it was clear that he had the right attitude about how to go about winning the next game.

Also, the Nets really have outplayed the Celtics in this series, and they did it again today. Just as the Lakers were lucky to win game four against the Kings on Horry’s buzzer-beating shot, so the Celtics didn’t really deserve to win games three or four.

I think that, right now, you’d have to say the momentum is with the Kings and the Nets. Both have regained home-court advantage and have clearly outplayed their opponents. And I think the Kings will bounce back from game four just as the Nets bounced back from game three.

Whatever happens, it should be exciting. The Celtics need to play the kind of defense they played in the second half today for the entire 48 minutes on Wednesday night.

The Red Sox wound up splitting their home series with the Yankees after another pathetic performance from Darren Oliver, but the BoSox held their own against the tough teams that came into town recently. If they can split the season series with the Yankees, that could be good enough.

Don Baylor’s decision to remove Jason Bere from the game last night is a perfect example of his managerial idiocy. Bere, who has struggled all year, was finally pitching well: six innings, no runs, four hits, three strikeouts, three walks. That’s not the kind of performance you reward by removing the pitcher from the game — unless you’re Don Baylor, that is.

Fassero and Mahomes, no surprise, couldn’t get the job done. And, despite a great start this year, Borowski fell down on the job. But the point is that all of this wasn’t necessary. Bere may not have pitched a complete game shutout, but why not give him the chance? Why not give him a boost of confidence after a rough start by letting him go long when he’s pitching well?

That’s how you blow a five-run lead, a chance for a sweep against a division rival, and end a six-game win streak. Aargh.

… and I was asleep. It would have been one thing if I had not watched the game at all, but I saw the miserable first three quarters. The Celtics played some of the worst basketball I’ve ever seen in the playoffs.

But just as the fourth quarter started, my lack of sleep the night before caught up with me. For whatever reason, I woke up at 5 a.m. Saturday morning. I hadn’t gone to sleep until about midnight and I certainly needed more sleep, but I just wasn’t tired. I went out to breakfast with the Stris, came home and did some chores, and it was only at about 6 p.m. that I decided I needed to take a nap.

So I did. I woke up at midnight and turned on SportsCenter to see how much the Celtics wound up losing by, only to discover that I missed Paul Pierce‘s 19 fourth-quarter points, New Jersey’s collapse, and the return of the leprechauns to the hallowed ground where the Boston Garden once stood.

And the Cubs won too! Kerry Wood, who is quickly making it clear he’s the ace of the staff this year, only pitched a complete-game four-hitter. Yeah, I’m glad I missed that too. The Astros have now lost six in a row to division rivals St. Louis and Chicago. Sorry, Karen.

I almost always prefer the first version I hear of a song to any later versions. Obviously, many covers of classic songs are pale imitations of the original greats, but this extends even to different versions of a song by the same artist. Once that first version clicks on my mind, I either get into its groove or I don’t. And any subsequent version will be judged on how I reacted to the original version.

The only exception to this is any Bob Dylan version of one of his own songs when compared to cover versions. I liked Sheryl Crow‘s take on “Mississippi,” for example, but it’s nothing compared to his own version on “Love and Theft,” which is absolutely sublime. Anyway, no one can sing Dylan like Dylan.

While the Dodgers’ Shawn Green may have had one great day, but he’ll never have the kind of consistently great career Barry Bonds has had. Now that Bonds has passed Mark McGwire in the all-time home run
race, the question is who else he’ll pass before he retireds.

With 584 home runs, Bonds is 171 home runs short of Aaron’s record. Already 38, I think Bonds knows he won’t be productive enough for long enough to become the all-time champ. Ruth, of course, is in second place with 714 home runs and Willie Mays is in theird with 660 home runs. Bonds will pass Frank Robinson’s fourth-place 586 home runs within the week, probably.

Bonds is projected to hit 60 home runs this season, but let’s be conservative and say Bonds winds up with 50. That would give him 617. Then he would only need 44 home runs in 2003 to overtake his godfather Willie Mays for third place. At that point, Bonds would 39 — and all of this assumes of course he will stay healthy and productive.

But by 39 you’ve got to hink Bonds’ production will drop off, and he’d still be 53 home runs behind Ruth. I think that Bonds — aside from wanting to win a championship — must be realistically shooting for his godfather’s record. Third place all time for a few years? Not too shabby. Until Ken Griffey Jr. comes charging, of course.

The first number is how many wins Arizona’s Curt Schilling has so far. The latter number is how many batters he’s walked. Awesome.

OK, DeShields has two. And admittedly, Bobby Hill was very shaky coming into this game, suffering an 0-for-9 slump. He even committed an error in the third inning.

But today he broke out, going 3-for-5 with four RBI and only a double short of the cycle. I think that if he shows the kind of patience at the plate that he showed in the minors, it’s only a matter of time before he’s leading off and Patterson’s back in the two hole. Meanwhile, McGriff homered and went 3-for-4 with four RBI. He now has a six-game hitting streak. The Cubs have now won three in a row (their largest win streak at home this season), and have scored 18 runs in the last two games. This could be the beginning of a good run for the Cubs.

Unfortunately, they’re pretty much out of the race. They’re 10 games back in the Central Division, and frankly aren’t strong enough to contend with whomever doesn’t win the West for the wild card spot.

Not ony did Pedro Martinez pitch the Red Sox to victory over the Yankees in the first of a crucial four-game series, he took on the curse of the Bambino as well. As reported by the Associated Press:

“Babe Ruth was one of the greatest men for the community. I don’t think he would want to curse not even his worst enemy.

“I don’t believe in curses,” he said then. “Wake up the damn Bambino, maybe I’ll drill him.”

Well, one way to end curses is to pitch the way Pedro did. He went seven innings, gave up only four hits, one run, two walks and struck out 10. And Urbina got the job done again in relief. The Red Sox blew so many painful games in relief last year, between Derek Lowe, Rod Beck and everybody else they tried. I look forward to watching the Sunday night game on ESPN.

Bob Dylan isn’t quite getting the same attention as he did when he turned 60 last year, but at least his hometown of Hibbing, Minn., is celebrating the bard’s birthday for a solid week during “Dylan Days.” Outstanding.

I really should take the trip up there for “Dylan Days” one year. Another interesting fact I learned from this story. People from Hibbing are known as “Hibbingites.”