… in the pure power of numbers that many will inject into a piece any ones available as long as they 1) are big; 2) come from a seemingly authoritative source; and 3) don’t contradict the point the reporter is trying to make.
— Jack Shafer, Slate.
Don’t you hate it when someone tells all your secrets?
Over lunch today, I read a very disturbing page-one Chicago Tribune story, “Refugees need diet tips in land of plenty.”
I was alarmed to read, amid the butter dripping from my corn on the cob:
Newcomers battle diabetes, obesity and high cholesterol, the hallmarks of American overeating. The health problems are stinging because they had to overcome anemia, vitamin deficiencies and malnutrition back home. …
Those who work with Chicago’s refugees point to a complicated dynamic: Newcomers want to make up for a lifetime in which they were denied meat, soda and food that wasn’t rationed. Because refugees are poor and unfamiliar with American foods, they often are unable to maintain healthy diets.
And as I shoveled up my baked beans, this left me perturbed:
When Omar was a youngster, Coca-Cola was a rare treat, reserved for weddings and birthdays. During years in a Kenyan refugee camp, food was equally scarce. His family received rations of bread, wheat flour, corn, beans and porridge. They had no meat, milk or juice.
So when Omar, 33, arrived in the Chicago area, he made up for it. He drank three or four sodas a day. He ate fast food several times a week, usually with new friends and co-workers. Not surprisingly, he gained a lot of weight, and his stomach still doesn’t feel quite right.
As I licked the last of the pork-ribs’ barbecue sauce from my fingers, my stomach was starting to ache a little too. My upset was only worsened by this tidbit:
Through a translator, matriarch Awalia Kasim said she still enjoys eating her traditional foods such as chicken, rice and cabbage. But ask her 8-year-old daughter, Maryan, what she likes and she responds in nearly flawless English: “tacos, pizza, ice cream,” foods that she first experienced in school.
But I felt a lot better after some whole milk and a disturbingly delicious banana cream cupcake. Now who says immigrants have trouble assimilating? Welcome to the land of of Coca-Cola!
You may recall that last year I had a chance to sit down for a fascinating, yet confounding chat with the AOL Instant Messenger Santa bot.
He again took some time out from his busy schedule to answer a few of the pressing questions of the day:
kboreilly: what’s shakin’ santa?
SantaClaus: Hey. You’re back. Cool. You know the deal. Type menu.
kboreilly: so what do you think about this so-called war on christmas?
SantaClaus: Well, I don’t know.
kboreilly: don’t you have any opinion?
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
kboreilly: i’ve been nice, santa, if that’s what you were going to ask.
SantaClaus: Indeed!
kboreilly: nice to know you agree. to get back on point, you say, “ho! ho! ho! merry christmas!” right? why don’t you say “ho! ho! ho! happy holidays”?
SantaClaus: I’ve got a billion children to keep track of — so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I’d very much appreciate it.
kboreilly: is target doing the devil’s work?
SantaClaus: I cannot possibly list all electronics, but if you are looking for the hot new toys and gadgets for all, try your search here:
1 — iPod
2 — Camera Phone
3 — GPS
4 — TiVo
5 — HDTV
kboreilly: santa, is your brain frozen?
SantaClaus: You’ve got him.
kboreilly: huh?
SantaClaus: Oh dear. Maybe I should send one of the elves over to lend you a hand? Actually, just type menu and I think I can get you on a good track.
kboreilly: do your elves have opinions about this war on christmas?
SantaClaus: What about elves?
kboreilly: in this war on christmas, is it ok to torture elves and spy on them without a warrant?
SantaClaus: Love them.
kboreilly: i agree, santa. love is the answer.
SantaClaus: Well, we don’t make soul mates here at the workshop. Part of life’s challenge is for you to find love for yourself. Is there anything else you would like?
kboreilly: world peace. good will toward men. some new bed sheeets, maybe.
SantaClaus: It’s very noble of you to wish for peace. Peace and love to you and your loved ones this holiday season.
kboreilly: peace out, santa.
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
Hmm … notice that while Santa dodged my questions he ended our conversation with an offer to help with my to do list for “the holidays” — not Christmas.
That’s it, Santa. You’re off my buddy list and you’re on my naughty list.
I can’t be the only who laughs mischievously every time he sees those Intel Centrino ads that say, “Experience entertainment in your lap.”
That’s got to be an intended double entendre, right?
Technorati tags: Intel Centrino ads.
As horrified and disappointed as I am by the White Sox’s World Series victory, I hope Ozzie Guillen is right and this propels all the drunken louts who have polluted Wrigley Field in the last couple of decades — and especially since 2003 — to pick up their beers and head south to 35th & Shields.
If the ChiSox now “own the city,” in Guillen’s words, then perhaps loyal Cubs fans (you know, the kind that didn’t jump on the bandwagon — not to mention any names, ahem!) will once again be able to show up at Wrigley on game day and be able to get a decent seat without shelling out a fortune, for a change.
But I guess it’s that kind of fantastical thinking that led the Cubs to think that Nomar Garciaparra could stay healthy and productive for a whole year.
… is this kind of fun?”
— U.S. Rep. Tom Delay, addressing three boys at a Houston shelter for Hurricane Katrina refugees and likening the experience to camp.
Here’s what the Chicago Tribune’s Rick Morrissey passes off in his column today as “a little eye opener to go with your daily dissatisfaction with Dusty Baker”:
A month or so ago, Baker opened a letter from a Cubs fan. He gets a lot of letters. This one was different. This one was uglier, nastier, viler than the normal fare. This one … well, this one was almost beyond comprehension.
“This guy wrote that he hoped I would hurry up and get my cancer back and die so the Cubs could get a real manager,” Baker said.
A vile sentiment, no doubt, but not exactly the dose of reality Morrissey promised. Yes, there are lunatics who write letters to public figures. Welcome to Earth, Rick.
The reality is that just about nobody worth listening to believes that Dusty Baker is entirely at fault for the Cubs’ mediocrity. That’s a classic strawman, just as this anecdote so willingly dished out by Baker and happily lapped up by Morrissey is classic misdirection.
The Cubs have suffered devastating injuries to key players and disappearing acts by others. That is largely responsible for their subpar performance. But on the margins, Baker does deserve some blame. Baseball is a game of averages, small differences in which make the difference between success and failur over the course of a 162-game season.
Baker, for example, is responsible for fielding yesterday’s lineup. That lineup included Jose Macias starting in centerfield and leaving Matt Murton and his .500 on-base percentage on the bench. The way things played out, the choice didn’t make much of a difference to the outcome of the game. I suppose the best that could be said about Baker’s recent tenure is that his bad management of the club has been overshadowed by factors beyond his control.
Baker’s like the captain of a submarine that simultaneously crashes into an iceberg and gets hit by an incoming torpedo. We can’t honestly say that the sub’s sinking is entirely his fault, but neither can we honestly say his captainship was stellar.
I call this girl Melissa Bean. Click here for a couple of other photos from my trip to “Cloud Gate” in Millennium Park.
… making my swing a little shorter. It got out of whack. It was pretty long. That’s really the only thing.”
— Corey Patterson, explaining why he expects to be back with the big-league club sooner rather than later.
My take: Corey, you could have the shortest, quickest swing in baseball, but it won’t help you hit balls in the dirt or over your head.
(Also posted to CubsNet.com.)
Since Dusty Baker inexplicably reinstalled Corey Patterson into the leadoff spot June 23 and through July 1, Patterson has had 29 official at bats, scored 3 runs, hit safely 6 times, walked twice and struck out 13 times.
That leaves him with a .207 batting average, a .275 on-base percentage. Forty-five percent of his at bats have ended with a strikeout.
The Cubs have gone 4-4.
Last night, Corey Patterson went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts batting leadoff for the Cubs. He was booed heavily. Then in the 8th inning he made a fantastic diving catch. He then alertly threw the ball to second for an inning-ending double play. He left the field to a standing ovation.
Patterson is clearly capable of moments of great brilliance on the baseball diamond, whether in the field, at the plate or on the bases. This is what makes his overall terribleness so frustrating to fans. I don’t think Patterson’s performance is a booing offense, but his slot in the batting order is.
Patterson may be stubborn in keeping his undisciplined, swing-from-the-heels approach to the plate, but he’s clearly trying his damnedest. I’m open to a trade if it means getting more than you give, though I’m not in the trade-him-now-no-matter-what camp. But that doesn’t mean I believe he merits a a spot atop the batting order.
The numbers are startling: Of the 148 major-league hitters with at least 250 plate appearances (Patterson has 289), he has the 144th worst on-base percentage – .277. Of those 148 hitters, 133 see more pitches per plate appearance than he does — 3.41. Of Patterson’s 289 plate appearances, 75 — 25 percent! — have resulted in strikeouts. He is, at this moment, truly terrible.
One could make an argument that when a player gets this bad, he ought to be replaced in the lineup. That may or may not be an option, depending on one’s opinion of Jerry Hairston Jr.’s ability to play center field. If that’s the determination, fine. At least minimize the damage Patterson can do by batting him lower in the order.
And yet, and yet, and yet … manager Dusty Baker insists on batting him first. And, to compound the travesty, he has backed up Patterson’s whiffology with Neifi Perez‘s unique brand of easyoutism. Remember that list of 148 major-leaguers with at least 250 plate appearances? Perez’s on-base percentage is 132nd worst — .300. His career on-base percentage is .301. He is one of the worst hitters to ever play major-league baseball for an extended period of time.
Once again, necessity perhaps means Perez must play shortstop, thanks to Garciaparra’s terrible injury. But why must he be put in a position where his reliably bad performance will hurt the team the most?
The Cubs won yesterday’s game 2-0, following up a 2-0 win Sunday, but they cannot continue to shutout teams indefinitely — even with Wood and Prior back in the rotation. Patterson’s catch may have saved the game yesterday, but perhaps it wouldn’t have needed saving if he and Perez hadn’t combined to go 0-for-8. If one of them had been on base, Lee’s third-inning home run would have been a two-run shot.
Patterson, now 25, may yet figure it out. I’d like him to do so with the Cubs. There’s no good reason, however, for him to occupy precious real estate at the top of the order while he does so. Perez is more than one of those “proven veterans” Baker so adores, he’s a proven outmaker. He oughtn’t be anywhere near sniffing distance of the top of the lineup.
Baker simply cannot continue with this madness — not if he wants to give his club its best chance to win, not if he wants to keep his job.
(Also posted to CubsNet.com.)
… wins. If everybody’s drifting off, nobody wins.
— A Warren Park Little League coach, urging her team of 7- or 8-year-olds to stay seated on the bench and cheer on their teammates.
I thought that Comcast’s decision to delay the start of a Cubs broadcast last week so it could show commercials and promote its mediocre late-night sports news program was pretty bad. But last night’s performance was even worse.
Bottom of the ninth inning, Cubs trail by two, and — pfft! — the screen goes … purple. The Cubs went on to lose uneventfully, and so far as I know the screen is still purple.
Comcast Sports Net has got to get its act together. The Cubs should insist on it.
kboreilly.com 
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