The most generous thing to say about the Cubs today is that, in spite of missing a golden opportunity to move to within a half game of the Astros, they’re still not out of it.

But damn the Pirates. The Cubs are fifth in the National League in ERA, and yet they’ve given up 27 runs in three games to a team that came into the series 10 under .500. Disgusting.

I had this sinking feeling the Pirates would give the Cubs trouble — the season series now stands at seven wins apiece — and now the feeling is fully sunken. The feeling is anchored at the bottom of my stomach.

Mark Prior needs to stop the bleeding tomorrow. The Cubs, indeed, probably can’t afford another loss this season. It’s one thing for the Astros to win it by just outplaying the Cubs. But for the Cubs to be so close and have it spoiled because they can’t beat the fucking Pirates?

That’s sad. Very sad.

Cubs phenom Mark Prior is constantly praised by teammates and journalists for the surprising maturity he has displayed as pitcher and professional ballplayer at the tender age of 22.

But sometimes maturity is overrated.

The Tribune’s Paul Sullivan reports that on Sporting News Radio, Mark Prior said the following:

“I dislike the [evil — KBO’R] Cardinals so much that I will not even root for them,” Prior said. “I hope that Houston beats their brains in and just sends them all the way back to whoever is in fourth place now.

“Hopefully, I’ll leave it up to San Francisco next week, or Milwaukee. You know Milwaukee has a good offensive team. In talking with Richie Sexson, he would like to see us win. I think he might do us a little favor there.”

Matt Morris, who had said earlier in the week he wanted the Astros to win the Central rather than the Cubs and had been 2-1 with a 1.29 ERA in his last five starts, pitched for St. Louis against the Astros on Friday night and lost 8-1 at Busch Stadium.

Morris gave up six earned runs in five innings against the Astros. Also noted by Cubs conspiracists was manager Tony LaRussa’s decision to not start Fernando Vina, Jim Edmonds or Tino Martinez in the game.

Whether or not the evil Cardinals are laying down for the ‘Stros, the Cubs aren’t keeping up their end of the bargain. You’d think that scoring 10 runs in the first half of a doubleheader against the Pirates would be enough to secure a sit-back-and-relax blowout in preparation for the night game, but no. The Cubs still only prevailed by a single run, 10-9.

Twenty-seven of the Cubs wins this year have been decided by a solitary run.

The second game posed no such trouble, as Cubs pitching collapsed entirely. I knew Dusty had given up on that game when he brought in Shawn “Unintentional Walk” Estes, who promptly walked two men, gave up a hit and run and retired two (one on a sacrifice bunt by the pitcher) before being replaced by … Antonio Alfonseca.

Oh well. Cubs now trail by a game and a half with eight left to play, nine for the Astros. The Cards-Astros pitching matchup is definitely not favorable today, with Tim Redding going up against Brett “If Only I Were As Good as Shawn Estes” Tomko.

So the Cubbies will probably be put in the position of winning just to keep pace tonight. But you never know. As much as it pains me to say it, I’m going to part ways with Prior on this one. I hate the Cards as much as anybody, but the Cubs need their help right now. That’s all there is to it. They can get their brains beaten in as soon as the Astros leave town. …

Karen writes:

I want to see my husband happy. Cubs winning the Division equals his happiness. Cubs winning the Division equals my hometown boys [the Astros] lose a shot at an incredible opportunity to put themselves in the books. There’s the fucking rub. Man, marriage is tough.

Hmm … seems the wifey’s starting to come around. I distinctly recall a recent incident that seemed to indicate otherwise. I promised Karen that if the Astros made it to the post-season instead of the Cubs, I would root hard for them all the way (unless they faced the Red Sox, of course, which is pretty unlikely).

This was greeted by silence.

I said, “Karen, isn’t there something you want to say to me?”

“No,” she said and laughed.

Good thing this Astros-Rockies series only lasted three games, since I’m fresh out of dopey headlines. With the Astros win today the Cubs are now one game back with 10 games to play.

Every game is critical at this point, of course, but the next six could be the ones that determine who wins the division. The Cubs play four against the Pirates and the first two of a three-game series against the Reds. The two teams are 33 games below .500 and both traded away a good bulk of their talent at the trading deadline, but both want to spoil the Cubs’ chances.

The Astros, meanwhile, take on the Cardinals and the Giants, who are a combined 38 games over .500. The Cardinals want to show that they are not as bad as they’ve played this September. The Giants want home-field advantage throughout the National League playoffs.

If the Cubs are not ahead or tied for first after this six-game stretch, it is unlikely they’ll be able to win it. The Astros finish with a four-game series in Milwaukee, which could be dicey but the Cubs certainly don’t want to rely on the Brew Crew to help them make up ground at the end.

Ah, a pennant — er, division — race. Is there anything more nerve wracking?

That’s what my “Simpsons” magic 8-ball has to say to the question, “Will the Astros lose today?”

Okeley dokeley!

Definitely a Lisa day today! Cubs win behind Kerry Wood’s best performance all year, a complete-game shutout. He struck out 11 and allowed only four hits and one walk. Awesome. When the boy’s right, he’s really right.

And the Rockies came through with a win over the Astros! They made me sweat by giving up those two runs in the top of the ninth, but they held on to win 7-5. The Cubs gain a game and are now only a half game back. Wait. It gets better.

The Cardinals lost too! And in fine fashion, once again. Jason Isringhausen gave up three runs to the Brew Crew in the top of the ninth as they came back to win it, 7-6. I have a feeling somebody in St. Louis is going to be in the free-agent market for an overpriced closer this winter. So the Cards stay five and a half back.

Now if the Rockies can win tomorrow, the Cubs and Astros will be in an identical tie for first place. Still, even if the Astros win tomorrow, as I fully expect they will, being within a game is huge. That means it only takes one day of a Cubs win and Astros loss to force a playoff.

Oh, yes. It’s all good. The Twins beat the White Sox again, putting them two and a half back. The Twins have a cupcake schedule once this series is over, and the Sox take on the Royals, Yankees and Royals. All is fine tonight.

The Cubs squeak out another one-run victory, but the Astros just keep on winning.

They’ve won 10 of their last 12 and are 11-3 in September. Again, nobody (aside from Matt Morris) could claim that whoever wins the Central didn’t earn it down the stretch.

Now the Cubbies need to finish off the Mets for a sweep the way they should have finished off the Reds. And go Rockies!

Especially after Sunday’s dispiriting loss to the Reds — precisely the kind of game the Cubs can’t afford to lose — their win today was huge. As big as the win was how they won it. Not only did the Cubs pick up a half game on the idle Astros, but Matt Clement pitched seven really strong innings in spite of the groin injury.

This hopefully demonstrates that he’ll be willing and able to gut it out the rest of this year and pitch well. The bullpen came in and for the first time in a while refused to make the game exciting. It is tempting now to try to calculate just how many games the Cubs will need to win in order to get the division crown, but it’s a futile exercise.

Frankly, if the Astros don’t cool down for a bit, it won’t matter if the Cubs win every series the rest of the way. They are just red hot. It would be nice to know, for sure, that if the Cubs don’t make it at least they lost out to a deserving team that got hot at the right time.

It would be nicer to know when the first Cubs’ playoff game starts, however. If that requires the Astros to lose 13 straight while the Cubs struggle and back their way into the division, that’s fine with me!

In other good news tonight, the Cubs announced they will retire Ron Santo’s No. 10. In spite of the Cubs’ love affair with their own history, they’ve actually only retired two numbers — Ernie Banks’ 14 and Billy Williams’ 26.

The top of the Cubs’ upper deck is lined with flags commemorating some of the great players in Cubs’ history, but none of those numbers is actually retired. Next stop for Ronnie: The Hall.

The Cubs keep making the Reds seem like the Yankees instead of the conglomeration of minor-league talent they really are, but they won to stay a game back of the Astros who again beat the Cardinals.

Alarming signs today:

• Cruz was charged with six earned runs and gave up 10 hits over only five innings. That’s a bad start, but still better than Estes on most days. Will Baker use this outing as an excuse to give Estes another shot at starting? Let’s hope not.
• Third straight bad relief outing from Mark Guthrie, who’s been one of the Cubs’ most dependable relievers all year. He gave up three hits in an inning of work.
• Roy Oswalt pitched seven shutout innings in the Astros win today and said after the game, “This was the first time I’ve felt comfortable all year.” Great.
• The Cardinals seem to be falling apart. They still have four games left with the Astros this year. The Cubs need the Cardinals to at least split those games and not roll over and play dead for the hard-charging Astros.

All that said, the Cubs now have a chance for a sweep tomorrow with Zambrano on the hill. Go Cubs!

In spite of the efforts of their bullpen, the Cubs managed to sneak away with a win today, though Wood again didn’t get the victory he rightly deserved.

Just before Goodwin hit his game-winning single I thought, “Man, why isn’t Choi hitting?” But, thankfully he came through! And it’s an especially good thing since the Astros demolished the Cards, meaning the Cubs stand pat, one game back.

So Clement was pulled Wednesday night for a groin injury, after all. He says it won’t stop him from making his next start, but he looked really bad before being taken out of the game. This is not a good sign at all because (1) he could hurt himself worse which is not what you’d want to happen for a guy still only 30 years old and (2) it could mean Shawn “Automatic Loss” Estes sneaks his way back into the rotation.

I’m actually hoping the Cardinals take four or five of these next games against the Astros, since they’re now 3.5 games back it would hurt the Cubs less and they’re obviously the weaker team going down the stretch, with an atrocious bullpen and an iffy starting rotation.

Tomorrow Cruz goes back to the mound against yet another Reds no-namer. Go Cubs!

The Trib has a nice little story featuring a few exchanges between Cubs radio announcers Pat Hughes and Ron Santo on the subject of the latter’s various follicular accoutrements:

Pat: So your gamer is your No. 1 hairpiece?

Ron: No, my gamer is my No. 3. I just keep it there in case my hat falls off and you can see I don’t have any hair.

Check it out.

Nice story by Melissa Isaacson in the Tribune today on Mark Prior, whose approach to the game is outstanding.

The young man has amazing talent, yes, but a really good head on his shoulders too:

“This is a very humbling game, a game that can bite you in the butt,” he says. “It’s built on very negative statistics. A good hitter gets a hit 30 percent of the time he’s up to bat. You’re not a good shooter if you hit 30 percent in basketball. No other sport is so negative.

“But it’s funny: That’s the thing I love. Every time you show up, there is something to learn.”

Aside from lacking Prior’s talent, I definitely didn’t have his maturity when I was 22. Heck, I barely had passing grades in college. Prior is, without question, my favorite player in baseball today.

I hope to watch him for years in a Cubs uniform. It would be nice if I had an authentic Mark Prior Cubs jersey to watch him in!

I keep telling myself that. Tonight’s tragic come-from-ahead 8-4 loss to the San Juan Expos is only one “L” in the book. All the things favoring the Cubs the rest of the way — a very soft schedule, a good road record, strong starting pitching — have not been erased by tonight’s loss. Tomorrow’s another day.

But boy if it doesn’t feel like the guts haven’t just been ripped out of this season. I wasn’t even a twinkle in my father’s eye in 1969 but this must be what it felt like, except the pain of that season’s slow march into a distant second place has been compacted into one ugly loss by the light of a full moon.

All the elements of a crippler are there. The Cubs get four early on three home runs against a pitcher who doesn’t give up long balls. Their starting pitcher, Matt Clement, has great stuff but has to leave in the sixth inning with a no-hitter on the books but three walked Expos on the bases.

The lefty reliever, Mark Guthrie, comes in and promptly walks two more batters. The righty reliever, Dave Veres, comes in and gives up a hit on one pitch. Three runs in, three men on, now only one-run lead and no one out. Remarkably, Veres gets out of the inning. Of course he does. This is the Cubs’ year, after all.

Right?

An uneventful seventh and then the egregious eighth. The Cubs gave the Expos five walks in the sixth, and five outs in the eighth. The first extra out was on a weak grounder to first baseman Randall Simon, who apparently confused himself for Dennis Rodman in his attempt to stretch out his arms and tag Cabrera passing by, instead of just tossing the ball to second baseman Mark Grudzielanek who stood on first base with nothing else to do.

The second extra out was on the pop-up by Jose Macias — who? — that appeared to be the end of the inning and, with closer Borowski coming in to face the bottom third of the Expos’ order, effectively the ballgame.

But the play was not made. It appeared to me that shortstop Alex Gonzalez was in the best position to get it, but lost it in the minor-league San Juan lights. Alou ran in but couldn’t get to it in time before it bounced high off the artificial turf.

And that was it. I took the dog for a walk. That’s it. Game over. One game — over. But the season?

Looking at tomorrow’s matchup it is hard to get too depressed. Mark Prior — the phenom, the stopper, the stud — is on the mound tomorrow. He hasn’t lost since July.

Every game counts, it’s said. It’s a truism, yes, but for good reason — it’s true! They all count equally, whether lost in March or September, but it doesn’t seem they’re all counted equally, does it? The Cardinals won tonight leaving them 1.5 games back, and the Astros are about to finish up a 3-1 win over the Brewers putting them up by a game.

One game. One lousy game. But damn it, Cubbies — I’ve only got one heart. How many times are you going to break it?

Here’s Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” in AOLese:

ONC3 UPON A TIEM U DRES3D SO
U THR3W DA BUMS A DIEM IN UR PRIEM DIDNT U??!?!??!
OMG LOL CAL SAY R DOL UR BOUND 2
U THOUGHT THEY WARE AL KIDIN U
US3D 2 LAUGH ABOUT
AVERYBODY TAHT WAS HANGIN OUT
NOW U DONT TOK SO LOUD
NOW U DONT SEM SO PROUD
ABOUT HAVNG 2 B SCROUNGNG FOR UR NEXT MEAL
HOW!11111 WTF DOES IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B WITHOUT A HOM3
LIEK A COMPL3T3 UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG U??!??! OMG WTF LOL

GONA 2 TEH FIENST SKOOL AL RIGHT MIS LONELY
BUT U KNOW U ONLY US3D 2 G3T JUIECD IN IT
AND NOBODY HAS AVER TAUGHT U HOW 2 LIEV ON DA STRET
AND NOW U FIND OUT UR GONA HAEV 2 GET USED 2
U SADE U NAV3R WIT TEH MYST3RY TRMP BUT NOW U R3ALIEZ
H3S NOT SELNG ANY ALIBIS
AS U R IN2 TEH VACUM OF HIS EYES
AND ASK HIM DO U WANT 2 MAEK A D3AL
HOW??!!!?!? WTF LOL DO3S IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOME
LIEK A COMPLATE UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG U?!?!!!??? OMG WTF

N3VER TURN3D AROUND 2 SE DA FROWNS ON DA JUGL3RS AND TEH CLOWNS
WHAN TH3Y AL COM3 DOWN AND DID TRIKS FOR U NEVAR UNDARS2D TAHT IT ANET NO U SHUDNT LET OTHER P3OPL3 GET UR KIKS FOR U US3D 2 RIED ON TEH CHROME HORSE WIT UR DIPLOMAT
WHO CAREID ON HIS SHUDER A SIMES3 CAT
ANET IT HARD WHEN U DISCOVER TAHT
HE RILLY WASNT WHER3 ITS AT
AFTER HE 2K FROM U 3V3RYTHNG H3 CUD ST3AL
HOW!1!11! OMG DO3S IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOM3
LIEK A COMPL3TE UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG S2NA
PRINCAS?!!!! OMG WTF ON DA STEPLA AND AL DA PRATY THERE DRINKIN THINKIN TAHT THEY GOT IT MAED

EXCHANGNG AL KINDS OF PRECIOUS GIFTS AND THNGS
BUT U BT3R LIFT UR DIMOND RNG U BT3R PAWN IT U US3D 2 B SO MUS3D
AT NAPOL3ON IN RAGS AND DA LANGUAEG TAHT H3 US3D
GO 2 HIM NOW HA CALS U U CANT REFUSA
WHEN U GOT NOTHNG U GOT NOTHNG 2 UR INVISIBL3 NOW U GOT NO SECRETS 2 CONCAAL
HOW11!!!!1 WTF LOL DOES IT FEL
HOW DO3S IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOM3
LIEK A COMPLAT3 UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG S2N3

??!!?!!? OMG LOL

Interestingly, this does a pretty decent job of capturing the intense lunacy of Bob’s vocal on the 1965 recording of this song.