Day: September 9, 2003

More fun with AOLer Translator

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

Here’s Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” in AOLese:

ONC3 UPON A TIEM U DRES3D SO
U THR3W DA BUMS A DIEM IN UR PRIEM DIDNT U??!?!??!
OMG LOL CAL SAY R DOL UR BOUND 2
U THOUGHT THEY WARE AL KIDIN U
US3D 2 LAUGH ABOUT
AVERYBODY TAHT WAS HANGIN OUT
NOW U DONT TOK SO LOUD
NOW U DONT SEM SO PROUD
ABOUT HAVNG 2 B SCROUNGNG FOR UR NEXT MEAL
HOW!11111 WTF DOES IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B WITHOUT A HOM3
LIEK A COMPL3T3 UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG U??!??! OMG WTF LOL

GONA 2 TEH FIENST SKOOL AL RIGHT MIS LONELY
BUT U KNOW U ONLY US3D 2 G3T JUIECD IN IT
AND NOBODY HAS AVER TAUGHT U HOW 2 LIEV ON DA STRET
AND NOW U FIND OUT UR GONA HAEV 2 GET USED 2
U SADE U NAV3R WIT TEH MYST3RY TRMP BUT NOW U R3ALIEZ
H3S NOT SELNG ANY ALIBIS
AS U R IN2 TEH VACUM OF HIS EYES
AND ASK HIM DO U WANT 2 MAEK A D3AL
HOW??!!!?!? WTF LOL DO3S IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOME
LIEK A COMPLATE UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG U?!?!!!??? OMG WTF

N3VER TURN3D AROUND 2 SE DA FROWNS ON DA JUGL3RS AND TEH CLOWNS
WHAN TH3Y AL COM3 DOWN AND DID TRIKS FOR U NEVAR UNDARS2D TAHT IT ANET NO U SHUDNT LET OTHER P3OPL3 GET UR KIKS FOR U US3D 2 RIED ON TEH CHROME HORSE WIT UR DIPLOMAT
WHO CAREID ON HIS SHUDER A SIMES3 CAT
ANET IT HARD WHEN U DISCOVER TAHT
HE RILLY WASNT WHER3 ITS AT
AFTER HE 2K FROM U 3V3RYTHNG H3 CUD ST3AL
HOW!1!11! OMG DO3S IT FEL
HOW DOES IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOM3
LIEK A COMPL3TE UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG S2NA
PRINCAS?!!!! OMG WTF ON DA STEPLA AND AL DA PRATY THERE DRINKIN THINKIN TAHT THEY GOT IT MAED

EXCHANGNG AL KINDS OF PRECIOUS GIFTS AND THNGS
BUT U BT3R LIFT UR DIMOND RNG U BT3R PAWN IT U US3D 2 B SO MUS3D
AT NAPOL3ON IN RAGS AND DA LANGUAEG TAHT H3 US3D
GO 2 HIM NOW HA CALS U U CANT REFUSA
WHEN U GOT NOTHNG U GOT NOTHNG 2 UR INVISIBL3 NOW U GOT NO SECRETS 2 CONCAAL
HOW11!!!!1 WTF LOL DOES IT FEL
HOW DO3S IT FEL
2 B ON UR WIT NO DIERCTION HOM3
LIEK A COMPLAT3 UNKNOWN
LIEK A ROLNG S2N3

??!!?!!? OMG LOL

Interestingly, this does a pretty decent job of capturing the intense lunacy of Bob’s vocal on the 1965 recording of this song.

ROTFLMAO!!!

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

Brooke Oberwetter points to the very neat AOLer Translator, which translates any text into the output of a 12-year-old AOL user. Below is the Gettysburg Address:

FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN Y3ARS AGO OUR FATHARS BROUGHT FORTH ON THIS CONTIENNT A NU NATION CONCAIEVD IN LIEBRTY AND DEDICAETD 2 TEH PROPOSITION TAHT AL M3N R CR3AETD EQUAL1!!1!1!

OMG LOL NOW WE R ENGAEGD IN A GREAT CIVIL WAR TESTNG WHETH3R TAHT NATION OR ANY NATION SO CONCEIEVD AND SO DEDICAETD CAN LONG ANDURE!1!1!1! WTF WE R M3T ON A GR3AT BATLAFEILD OF TAHT WAR!1!!!! OMG LOL W3 HAEV COME 2 DADICAET A PORTION OF TAHT FEILD AS A FINAL RASTNG-PLAEC FOR THOS3 WHO H3RA GAEV THERE LIEVS TAHT TAHT NATION MIGHT LIEV1!!1! OMG LOL IT IS AL2G3TH3R FITNG AND PROPER TAHT W3 SHUD DO THIS11!11!1 LOL BUT IN A LARG3R SENSE W3 CANOT DADICAET WE CANOT CONSECRAET W3 CANOT HALOW THIS GROUND11!!!1!! OMG WTF LOL TEH BRAEV MEN LIVNG AND DEAD WHO STRUGL3D HARA HAEV CONSECRAETD IT FAR ABOVE OUR POR POWER 2 AD OR DETRACT11!1

OMG WTF DA WORLD WIL LITL3 NOTA NOR LONG REM3MBR WUT WA SAY HAR3 BUT IT CAN N3V3R FORG3T WT DID HERE1!11 OMG WTF LOL IT IS FOR US DA LIVNG RATH3R 2 B DEDICAETD HERE 2 TEH UNFINISHAD WORK WHICH THAY WHO FOUGHT HERE HAEV THUS FAR SO NOBLY ADVANC3D1!!111! OMG LOL IT IS RATH3R FOR US 2 B HERE DADICAETD 2 TEH GR3AT TASK REMANENG BFORA US-TAHT FROM THES3 HONORED D3AD W3 TAEK INCREAESD DAVOTION 2 TAHT CAUS3 FOR WHICH TH3Y GAEV DA LAST FUL M3ASUR3 OF DAVOTION-TAHT WE H3R3 HIGHLY RESOLVE TAHT TH3SA DEAD SHAL NOT HAEV DEID IN VANE TAHT THIS NATION UND3R GOD SHAL HAEV A NU BIRTH OF FREDOM AND TAHT GOVERNMENT OF TEH PEOPL3 BY TEH PEOPLE FOR TEH P3OPL3 SHAL NOT PERISH FROM TEH EARTH 11111!! OMG WTF LOL

Abe sez, “WTF?!?!?!”

So much for Dean

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

Antiwar.com’s Justin Raimondo writes the obituary of Dean as anti-warrior with his usual subtlety. He lambasts “the Dean deception” and calls him a “lying SOB” for his refusal to advocate pulling the troops out of Iraq until “the job is done.”

While I don’t feel betrayed by Dean — his coming out in favor of the Liberia misadventure illustrated his lack of clear non-interventionist principles — I too am saddened by the fact that it’s now clear there will be no anti-Iraq occupation presidential nominee coming out of the Democratic camp. At least there would have been a debate, even if it was one Dean was likely to lose.

(Reposted from Stand Down.)