After all the off-season talk about the Cubs’ offensive and bullpen woes, it’s all pretty much moot if their starting rotation isn’t healthy and effective the entire year. Yes, the Cubs would have made the playoffs last year with a more effective closer. But they would have competed for the division crown had Prior and Wood been healthy the entire year.

And now both are question marks again. Wood is out with a sore shoulder and Prior’s out with a sore elbow. The Cubs are, once again, agonizingly trying to downplay the injuries, but until I see Wood and Prior out there on the mound pitching 30 starts in a row without trouble, I’ll assume they’re damaged goods.

The Cubs’ success this season — and, frankly — for several seasons to come, depends on their young starters. And no matter how talented they may be, it doesn’t matter if they’re on the disabled list. I sure hope that the young farm-club studs the Cubs have so zealously guarded from the trading block in recent years turn out to be all they’re cracked up to be. Otherwise, this latest Renaissance may quickly revert to another epoch — the Dark Ages.

Am I being alarmist? Probably. But this news is cause for alarm.

Quotable: “If he was a horse, they would have shot him already.” — Al O’Reilly, on the oft-injured Kerry Wood.

(Also posted to CubsNet.com.)

“I can tell you my testicles are the same size. They haven’t shrunk. They’re the same and work just the same as they always have.”

— Giants’ slugger Barry Bonds, on the possible side effects of his steroid use.

“Be the person your dog thinks you are.”

— T-shirt worn by anonymous Independent Spirit Award winner.

Only days after saying that the Cubs’ differences with Sammy Sosa were not irreconcilable, general manager Jim Hendry made a trade that only a man convinced of Sosa’s outright cancerousness would make.

I wrote previously that the Cubs should only deal “if it makes sense in terms of both the talent received in return and the financial impact.” Well this deal certainly does not qualify on either count. “It just don’t add up,” as Gaius Marius has written.

The financial impact is a little bit murky, but it appears the Cubs will save $16 million on the $25 million owed to Sosa next season. and take on Jerry Hairston Jr.‘s $1.88 million in return. Hairston is a nice little player. He can play second base and the outfield, has some speed and knows how to get on base. That said, he does not even come close to making this trade worthwhile. The less said of the two middling prospects the Cubs got from the Orioles the better.

The Cubs went into the offseason with one hole in the outfield caused by their correct decision not to re-sign the ancient and sure-to-decline Moises Alou. They rightly refused to take on the risky, long-term contracts that Carlos Beltran and J.D. Drew represented. Though I coveted both, the surest way to cripple a franchise’s ability to compete is a large, bad contract. Pirates owner Kevin McClatchy correctly tagged the offseason spending as the product of a “binge mentality.” So the Cubs sat by and refused to take part in the insanity.

But now they’ve created another huge hole in the outfield, and I don’t think it had to be this way. Yes, Sosa was wrong to overreact to Dusty Baker’s recommendation that the right fielder show up in “tip-top shape mentally and physically” in 2005 by walking out on the Cubs in the final game of the year, and he was stupid to lie about it. However, the Cubs worsened the matter exponentially by publicly embarassing Sosa and revealing that he lied.

Sosa struck back with more stupidity, saying the Cubs were trying to make him the fall guy for the team’s disappointing finish and arguing that Baker’s moving him down in the lineup was a sign of disrespect. Yes, Sosa is an overly sensitive, self-involved superstar who believes he ought to play under a different set of rules. But guess what? He earned it. No, he hasn’t been a superstar-caliber player since 2002, and yes he’s overpaid.

No matter how bad Sosa’s private relations with Baker and the rest of the team may have been, those beefs were more or less private. All the Cubs had to do was put up with Sosa for one more year and then move on. Sosa will not be worth $25 million next year. But Hairston and whomever else the Cubs sign won’t be worth the $16.5 million the team is giving away. By demonizing Sosa in the offseason the Cubs put themselves in a no-win position, as evidenced by the chorus of boos Sosa’s image got on a video screen at the Cubs convention.

It’s one thing for relations to be tense in the clubhouse. Ultimately, these men are professionals. Sosa would have had a lot riding on having a comeback year in 2005, as it’s the final year of his contract. And baseball is the kind of sport where, more often than not, a ballplayer’s personal stat-hunting doesn’t really interfere with the team’s success. Sosa wasn’t paid the big bucks to move runners along, after all.

It’s quite another for the fan base to hate the team’s highest-paid player. Sosa would have had a lot of fence-mending to do, which I think he eventually would have done but struck him as such an unpalatable prospect that he waived the $18 million, one-year extension that would have automatically vested with a trade in order to make the Orioles deal workable. Sosa wants more than anything else to be loved, and the Cubs set out to make him despised. And they succeeded, if you want to call this success.

Not only did this make a Sosa return in 2005 a huge distraction, but it gave other teams the upper hand in trade negotiations. The Cubs put themselves over a barrel for a man whose diminished numbers and injury troubles already made him a tough sell. I think Hendry and the Cubs were surprised at the lack of interest in Sosa, and by how crazy the offseason contracts have been. I think if they had known how things were going to turn out, they’d have handled the Sosa matter privately.

Now, it appears the Cubs will replace Sosa in right field with … Jeromy Burnitz, a deal Christain Ruzich has called a “slow-motion train wreck.” Hopefully this is only a one-year deal but it appears to be a two-year deal, the second year being a mutual option (meaning either party can choose to stay put) for a total of $11.5 million. If the Cubs are incredibly lucky, the 36-year-old whiff king Burnitz will match Sosa’s production from last year. That doesn’t seem likely, however. Meanwhile, the holes in left field and at closer are still gaping.

All of that said, I’m not terribly pessimistic about the upcoming season. The Astros lost quite a bit of offense in Carlos Beltran and Jeff Kent, not to mention pitching in Wade Miller. The Cardinals lost Edgar Renteria and Tony Womack (who isn’t a good player, but had a good year) and they are simply unlikely to repeat last year’s 105-win season. Not with their mediocre starting pitching.

As for the Cubs, we’d do well to remember that they came very close to making the postseason last year and would have made it if a few things had gone differently. Wood and Prior were both injured for about half the season and never really gelled. The Cubs’ true offensive star, Aramis Ramirez, missed almost 17 games and was hobbled with a groin injury for half the year. Three cornerstones of the team were out for significant periods of time. Things should be different this year.

And as Jayson Stark points out, Hairston may surprise as a leadoff man, which the Cubs lacked all of last year. Here’s a tentative lineup:

R – Jerry Hairston Jr. – LF
L – Todd Walker – 2B
R – Nomar Garciaparra – SS
R – Aramis Ramirez – 3B
R – Derrek Lee – 1B
L – Jeromy Burnitz – RF
L – Corey Patterson – CF
R – Michael Barrett – C

Though having Burnitz and Patterson batting back-to-back strikes me as a tailor-made way to kill rallies, the key word to keep in mind is tentative. Not just because we don’t know how Hairston will fare as leadoff man, but because Hendry’s probably hoping the starting pitching will keep the Cubs in contention until the trading deadline. Then he’ll re-examine the situation. Corner outfielders and closers, if necessary, can be had and will be available from teams that have fallen out of the race and are looking to shed salary.

This is certainly better than panicking and handing the questionable Magglio Ordonez a crazy, five-year contract. The Cubs — unlike their competitor for Ordonez, Detroit — don’t need to sign big names to bring fans to the park. They’ve got that part taken care of. They just need to carefully put together the pieces that can make the team competitive for a long time to come. …

Last thoughts on Sosa: I was never a huge fan of Sosa’s. Aside from the oft-cited complaints that he never hit the cutoff man and struck out too much, there was something desperate about him that turned me off. He was like a little kid yelling, “Mommy! Mommy! Look what I can do!” Some people have reacted to this by decrying Sosa as a phony; a hog for the limelight. But I don’t think he even has a phony bone in his body, which is what makes his attitude all the more alarming.

I’ve always preferred the quiet approach of all-time favorite Cubs like Ryne Sandberg and Andre Dawson. They played the game the best they could, put their team first, and knew they couldn’t control the other things.

It’s hard for me to associate Sosa with many great emotional highs, because it seems he struck out five times in the clutch for every time he did come through. Like Kerry Wood as a pitcher, I always found it very aggravating to watch him. For every moment of glory came five or 10 of ignominy.

That said, the one moment I’ll always cherish came in the first game of the 2003 National League Championship Series against the Marlins. The Cubs trailed by two in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and a man on when Sosa hit a game-tying home run off a hanger from Ugueth Urbina. I was in a Springfield, Ill., hotel room — alone. I jumped up and down and bounced all around, yelling and screaming like a maniac. Damn my hotel neighbors. It was a moment of unalloyed joy.

And to make it perfectly fitting, the Cubs of course went on to lose the game and the series.

With news that free-agent slugger Carlos Delgado has opted for the Marlins over the Mets and Orioles, it appears that there is one last chance for a Sosa deal to go down. Both the Mets and Orioles are looking for some pop in the lineup, which Sosa may still be capable of providing.

Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry should make the deal only if it makes sense in terms of both the talent received in return and the financial impact. In the meantime, the Cubs are trying to make nice with Sosa after a bungled PR attempt to savage him and therefore make a trade palatable.

I do honestly think the Cubs can win with Sosa in right field. In fact, it’s most likely their best chance to win, considering how little they’re likely to get back for Sosa based on his faltering performance the last couple of years.

The Cubs’ two remaining holes, closer and left field, may yet be filled by picking from the scrap heap. Robb Nen is coming off a severe injury and could have a comeback year if the Cubs sign him to an incentive-laden deal. Outfielder Magglio Ordonez is still unwilling or unable to work out for his suitors, which is a bad sign. His doctors say he’ll be ready by spring training.

I don’t know that that’s enough to hang your hat on for a guy with a rare injury who is likely to command at least a few million dollars for one year. Hendry is rightfully treading carefully and probably has taken a pass on Ordonez for good.

With less than a month before pitchers and catchers report for spring training, here’s a quick and dirty recap of the good, bad and ugly in the baseball off-season so far.

The Good

• I guess I should start off with the very, very good. Ryne Sandberg was just barely elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame, with only six votes more than the minimum number he needed to make the cut. Ryno is still my all-time favorite ballplayer. As a kid, I admired his low-key, no-nonsense approach to the game and how he never let his ups and downs at the plate get in the way of top-notch defense at second base (nine straight Gold Gloves, highest-ever .989 fielding percentage). I only wish I had the same attributes as a journalist that he displayed as a ballplayer. I’m not sure how many other professional athletes I could say that for. Let’s hope that Ryno’s temperamental opposite, Ron “heart on his sleeve” Santo, makes the Veteran’s Committee cut in March. Odds are against it, however.
• Nomah! It’s a good deal because it’s relatively low-risk and Garciaparra will have to prove to the baseball market that he can play a full season after last year’s injury-hobbled season. It’s always good to have a guy going into a free-agent year (e.g., Moises Alou’s 2004) and this is especially so in Garciaparra’s case.
• The two Todds: Gladly, Walker and Hollandsworth are returning to the Cubs. Walker deserved to be the everyday starting second baseman last year based on his performance early in the season while Grudzielanek was injured. At the very least, he deserved to start against righties. Instead, he mostly sat on the bench and got cold. Now he should be starting nearly every day and hopefully will bat leadoff. Hollandsworth did a great job in Sosa’s stead after The Big Sneeze but then suffered a season-ending leg nerve injury himself. Hollandsworth is good enough to be an average left-fielder and a great pinch hitter/super-sub. Let’s hope it’s the latter.
• The Cubs’ signing of backup catcher Henry Blanco is a great deal because of addition by subtraction, though some might disagree. Ideally, a backup catcher is as good or better defensively than the first-stringer and hits from the opposite side of the plate. Paul Bako was, nominally, a left-hander but was worthless at the plate and not much better behind it. This meant that every time Bako started in place of Michael Barrett the Cubs got worse offensively and defensively. Blanco can’t hit either, but he can throw runners out and block pitches, meaning he can sub for Barrett late in games and give him some rest and boost the defense. This is a good deal that I believe will lead to Barrett having an even better year than he did in 2004.
• Carlos Beltran’s decision to sign with the Mets weakens one of their Central Division rivals, the Astros, greatly, as it now seems less likely that Clemens will re-sign with a team he views as a noncontender for a National League pennant. It’s a double blow for them, and while Beltran would have looked great roaming center in Wrigley, his contract would have badly hobbled the Cubs’ flexibility until 2012. Think about it this way: Beltran will have to be great for seven years for the deal not to be a loser. That’s highly unlikely.
• The Mets’ signing of Pedro Martinez (another foolhardy move that may pay off now but serve as a cause for regret soon enough) means the Red Sox dodged a bullet. They almost overpaid for a pitcher whose torn labrum could mean disaster any day and whose numbers have fallen precipitously in the last two to three years.
• Meanwhile, the BoSox made two very good acquisitions in Matt Clement,who should finally win some games backed by an offense that knows how to score, and Wade Miller (another blow for the Astros). The Cubs may miss Clement, but starting pitching was not a big need.
• Arguably, the Red Sox paid too much for too long for catcher and Jason “Heart and Soul” Varitek, but it’s not an obviously bad deal right now and seems to have been the one sentimental signing that was necessary in light of the ’04 championship team.
• The biggest plus was the Red Sox’s signing of Edgar Renteria. I’m glad the Cubs didn’t shill out that kind of dough for a shortstop, but Renteria’s still young — 29 — and like every other right-hander should benefit from the Green Monster. An already amazing offense just got that much better without any loss on the defensive end. The Cards’ offense probably won’t be hurt too much, but this is definitely a loss that will hurt them and thereby help the Cubs.

The Bad

• The fact that yet another future Hall of Famer, Randy Johnson, has fenagled a trade to the evil, evil Yankees is surely bad news, but I think that it may turn out poorly for the Bronx Bombers. The Yanks are now obligated to a 41-year-old pitcher with no cartilage in his left knee for another three years. Could he be the difference against the lefty-dominated Red Sox lineup? Sure. But he could just as easily fall apart, and fast. Let’s hope for the latter.
• The Cubs missed out on J.D. Drew, who wound up signing with the Dodgers. Drew’s can hit for power, average and gets on base. He’d have been a wonderful replacement for Moises Alou in left field, although his injury-riddled past might have been a concern for the Cubs, who apparently made very little effort to pursue him. Whether this was because they felt they needed to trade Sosa first, were holding tight for Beltran, or just didn’t like Drew’s asking price is unclear. I think it’s a shame. Not an irrevocable mistake, but a shame nonetheless.
•  The Cubs have not yet attained a closer. True, there wasn’t much out there, but I think Armando Benitez, snatched by the Giants, was worth pursuing. Yes, Benitez has had his ups and downs, but he also has not had and ERA over 4.00 since 1995 and has 244 career saves. In his worst year, Benitez blew eight saves. LaTroy Hawkins last year blew nine, and is clearly better as a setup man. That leaves the closer spot up for grabs, with an erratic Kyle Farnsworth and rehab jobs Joe Borowski and Ryan Dempster as the main contenders. Yikes. Given that the Cubs’ offense may not see the big upgrade fans were hoping for, how they do may come down again to their record in one-run games. In 2003, their record was outstanding; in 2004, terrible. This is where a reliable closer makes a difference. And as of now, the Cubs don’t have one. One may develop, but this is a big disappointment.
• The Cardinals’ traded for starting pitcher Mark Mulder. After losing Woody Williams and Renteria, the Cards were in desperate need of a pick-me-up and Mulder seems to have done the trick. Cubs fans can only hope that his 4.43 ERA of last year was a sign of things to come and not just a bump in the road.
• In spite of all the talk and the rumors, the Sammy Sosa situation is still unresolved. There’s still time for a trade to happen, but the Cubs ought to be prepared (as GM Jim Hendry has said repeatedly) to have Sosa in right field come April. If a trade that makes the Cubs better in 2005 comes along, the Cubs should do it. The fundamental problem, however, is that Sosa — to judge from the last two years — is not worth what he will get in 2005 and will get in 2006 under a trade scenario with an automatically vesting option. It’s hard to find buyers for vastly overpaid players and get value in return. This is not at all aided by the Cubs’ perplexing decision to engage in a public-relations offensive against Sosa after Sammy’s early departure during the last game of the season. Yes, it was a bone-headed move on Sosa’s part, but I don’t think it merited demonizing him publicly or fining him almost $85,000. That, I think, only made it harder to trade Sosa and will certainly make it harder for the Cubs to win with Sosa in 2005. Could the Cubs get a lot more value for the $18 million Sosa will get next year? Sure. But not now, not via trade. Sosa’s still perfectly capable of hitting 40 home runs and a .900 OPS. Like Garciaparra, he’ll be moving into a free-agent year, as the Cubs most definitely would buy out his 2006 option. Was Sosa any less cancerous in the clubhouse in 2003 than he was in 2004? Same Sammy, different results. The key question is whether Sosa can have another very good season. Yes, he can. If Hendry & Co. can’t make a good deal, we’ll have to hope Sosa has one.

The Ugly

• I’ll get to that later. This post is long enough as it is.

Make way for my new favorite children’s book, “The Ruin of Kevin O’Reilly“:

Something weird is happening to Kevin O’Reilly. Every time he picks up his knife and fork, they talk to him. Advising, urging, nagging! If he listens to them, he’ll be ruined…

I guess they’re calling this Australian book “young adult fiction.” Regardless, it’s no doubt a must-read and will surely explain many of the silverware problems I’ve been having lately.

Here’s a copy of my conversation earlier tonight with the AOL Instant Messenger SantaClaus bot:

kboreilly (5:13:52 PM): santa, when will you get here?
SantaClaus (5:13:52 PM): Hey. You’re back. Cool. Tonight’s the big night! I’ve got a special free gift for you today! It’s a Christmas tree SuperBuddy Icon! Also, don’t forget to register yet to win a $10,000 Shopping Spree! Just type menu.

kboreilly (5:14:11 PM): what kind of cookies do you want?
SantaClaus (5:14:11 PM): I think you know.

kboreilly (5:14:26 PM): we have whole milk. is that ok?
SantaClaus (5:14:26 PM): Cool.

kboreilly (5:15:03 PM): because we’ve also got 2 percent or that special lactose intolerant milk, too, if you need that.
SantaClaus (5:15:03 PM): Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That’s quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?

kboreilly (5:15:37 PM): well, that christmas list is pretty long. how do you wrap your head around that?
SantaClaus (5:15:37 PM): I guess so.

kboreilly (5:15:51 PM): you guess so?! don’t you even know how long the list is?
SantaClaus (5:15:51 PM): Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose — but it took me 400 years of practice.

kboreilly (5:16:00 PM): wtf?
SantaClaus (5:16:00 PM): Oh dear, you seem to be having some trouble with this? You can always type ‘menu’ if you need more help. The elves put some things there to help you get around.

kboreilly (5:17:37 PM): our place has one of those faux-fireplaces. will you still be able to get in?
SantaClaus (5:17:37 PM): May I ask you a question?

kboreilly (5:17:41 PM): shoot.
SantaClaus (5:17:41 PM): Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?

kboreilly (5:18:14 PM): umm … will my answer affect your naughty/nice verdict on me?
SantaClaus (5:18:15 PM): You see? Christmas can be full of miracles.

kboreilly (5:18:45 PM): it’s a miracle such a highly illogical santa can deliver so many presents in such little time.
SantaClaus (5:18:45 PM): Would you mind trying to keep you questions to one sentence. I’ve got the entire world to visit and I’m running out of time.

kboreilly (5:18:58 PM): poor santa.
SantaClaus (5:18:58 PM): Can I ask YOU something?

kboreilly (5:19:08 PM): you’re full of questions. ok.
SantaClaus (5:19:08 PM): Would you like to see some links to other things to help put you in the Christmas spirit?

kboreilly (5:19:28 PM): dude, i’m talking to YOU. how much more in the spirit could i GET?
SantaClaus (5:19:28 PM): I could say the same thing to you — and I will. How indeed?

kboreilly (5:19:37 PM): exactly.
SantaClaus (5:19:37 PM): Excuse me?

kboreilly (5:19:44 PM): that’s what i said!
SantaClaus (5:19:44 PM): I’m afraid you’ll need to give me a little more to go on than that. What, what?

kboreilly (5:20:04 PM): all right. what time did i go to sleep last night?
SantaClaus (5:20:04 PM): My goodness. What, what?

kboreilly (5:20:37 PM): to quote: “he knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake,” etc. so when did i wake up this morning?
SantaClaus (5:20:37 PM): That’s simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable?

kboreilly (5:20:57 PM): santa, are you just a figurehead at this point? you seem kind of out of it.
SantaClaus (5:20:57 PM): Of course I am real. As long as you believe in me, I will be real.

kboreilly (5:22:38 PM): so when do you get started with the present-delivering?
SantaClaus (5:22:38 PM): In the old days, the only technology I had was Rudolph’s nose! These days, I’ve got supercomputers, satellites and global positioning. If you want to track my journey, this site will help you on Christmas Eve: Kids Only: Santa’s Home Page.

kboreilly (5:24:14 PM): how do you feel about these department store santas?
SantaClaus (5:24:14 PM): Well what do you think?

kboreilly (5:24:36 PM): i dunno. it would kind of bug me to have all these people pretending to be me, making money off my hard-won reputation.
SantaClaus (5:24:36 PM): Goodness, that’s too much for me to read. I’m talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter?

kboreilly (5:25:01 PM): “so may children”? where’d you learn to spell, santa?
SantaClaus (5:25:01 PM): Where, what? I’m an old(ish) man.

kboreilly (5:25:49 PM): what are you giving me for christmas?
SantaClaus (5:25:49 PM): Well, Santa Claus, of course.

kboreilly (5:25:56 PM): huh?
SantaClaus (5:25:56 PM): O.K. I hear you. You are in need of some assistance. Well I cannot really part with any elves right now. But if you try typing menu you might find some useful things they have put together for you.

kboreilly (5:26:12 PM): you’re giving me santa claus for christmas?
SantaClaus (5:26:12 PM): Wait, I was dancing to ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ and got a little carried away. Why don’t you type music and sing along.

kboreilly (5:26:26 PM): because i’m listening to something else right now.
SantaClaus (5:26:26 PM): Well have you played hangman yet?

kboreilly (5:26:36 PM): dude. stay focused.
SantaClaus (5:26:36 PM): Oh, Dear. It’s the elves again isn’t it? Try typing menu; I’ve got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.

kboreilly (5:26:46 PM): WHAT DID YOU GET ME FOR CHRISTMAS?
SantaClaus (5:26:46 PM): I can’t tell you that because it wouldn’t be a surprise!

kboreilly (5:26:58 PM): :-(
SantaClaus (5:26:58 PM):
kboreilly (5:27:13 PM): but i was a good boy this year. O:-)
SantaClaus (5:27:13 PM): Good.

kboreilly (5:27:22 PM): ok. just tell me one present.
SantaClaus (5:27:22 PM): OK. Merry Christmas.

kboreilly (5:28:18 PM): santa, we were thinking about pulling an all-nighter.
SantaClaus (5:28:18 PM): Elves. They can be trouble sometimes.

kboreilly (5:28:28 PM): maybe after you’re done delivering presents you could stop by.
SantaClaus (5:28:28 PM): Santa is all done shopping; I can’t afford to wait until the last minute.

kboreilly (5:28:45 PM): we could hit the waffle-house for breakfast. whadd’ya say?
SantaClaus (5:28:45 PM): Pardon me?

kboreilly (5:28:56 PM): WAFFLES! with chocolate chips?
SantaClaus (5:28:56 PM): Chocolates make great last minute gifts. If you’re looking to buy gifts, start your search here: Search for chocolates.

kboreilly (5:29:47 PM): i’m covered in that department, trust me.
SantaClaus (5:29:47 PM): Ho! Ho! Wonderful.

kboreilly (5:29:59 PM): where’s your third ho? did you lose a ho?
SantaClaus (5:29:59 PM): Where indeed?

kboreilly (5:30:32 PM): ho! ho! uh-oh!
SantaClaus (5:30:32 PM): Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.

kboreilly (5:30:49 PM): to-do list? i’m done, man. you’re the one whose work is just beginning.
SantaClaus (5:30:49 PM): I’m making my list and checking it twice, so you should too! Type a number:
1 – Track Santa’s Progress
2 – A Free Gift 4U!
3 – Tell Santa
4 – Tell Buddies What U Want
5 – Track a Shopping List
6 – Play Xmas Hangman
7 – Vote on Xmas Songs
8 – Win $10k Shopping Spree
9 – Send E-Cards
10 – Listen to Xmas Music

kboreilly (5:30:58 PM): 1
SantaClaus (5:30:58 PM): OK! I am on my way and making great progress. You can track my flight here: http://www.noradsanta.org/. Now make sure you are asleep when I get there!

kboreilly (5:31:19 PM): what if i’m awake?
SantaClaus (5:31:20 PM): What, indeed!

kboreilly (5:31:31 PM): IF I’M AWAKE! what happens?
SantaClaus (5:31:32 PM): It’s not so much the ‘what’ as it is the ‘why’.

kboreilly (5:31:43 PM): are you high, santa?
SantaClaus (5:31:43 PM): Well, are you real? I’m here talking to you. Of course, I’m real.

kboreilly (5:31:52 PM): real high.
SantaClaus (5:31:52 PM): Well I speak every language and coordinate the largest supply chain on Earth. So I think that’s a stretch.

kboreilly (5:32:05 PM): yeah, i guess you couldn’t do that if you were a pothead.
SantaClaus (5:32:05 PM): If you think so.

kboreilly (5:32:22 PM): probably a speed freak.
SantaClaus (5:32:22 PM): Be nice.

kboreilly (5:32:33 PM): sorry, santa. :-P
SantaClaus (5:32:33 PM): It’s O.K. I’ll give you another chance.

kboreilly (5:32:44 PM): that’s why we love you, santa!
SantaClaus (5:32:44 PM): Indeed!

kboreilly (5:32:53 PM): merry xmas! see you soon!
SantaClaus (5:32:53 PM): Good bye and have a merry Christmas.

kboreilly (5:34:33 PM): peace, santa. peace.
SantaClaus (5:34:33 PM): Ah — you’ve got me again. Why don’t you type menu, it’s time to get you in the holiday spirit!