You’ve probably heard lots of good things about “Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World.”

Here’s the kicker: they’re all true. The movie poster for “Master & Commander” should next to the dictionary definition for the word “entertainment.”

Every moment of this movie is entertaining, involving, engrossing and purely enjoyable. I say this as someone who’s not necessarily a fan of the naval adventure flick, a genre whose time had long passed well before “my time” started ticking.

The battle sequences were exciting, the relationships between the central and supporting characters were very well drawn, and Russell Crowe (as usual) is fantastic as “Lucky Jack” Capt. Aubrey.

I was in Indianapolis earlier this week covering an agents’ convention there and was looking to kill some time at night.

The other movies playing at the downtown mulitplex-in-a-mall were: “Tupac Shakur: Resurrection,” “Radio,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” and two or three other movies I had absolutely no interest in seeing. I’d read favorable reviews of “M&C” in both Chicago papers, so I thought I’d give it a shot.

Often, my attitude or mood about a movie influences how much I enjoy it. So, I didn’t have a negative attitude toward “M&C” but I definitely wasn’t gung-ho to see it, either. Which is why I was so pleasantly surprised. Really, honestly, truly: it’s the best thing out there right now, and easily one of the best movies of the year.

Go see it.

Must be “Survivor.” I know the Rockets aren’t playing! … Now where’s that smiley button on here?

Chicago Tribune baseball columnist Phil Rogers fantasizes about a trade for Alex Rodriguez, “A dream shortstop.”

But if such a trade were to happen, it would be more like a nightmare. Rodriguez may be the best all-around player in the game today, but he is vastly overpaid and his interminable contract only calls for even higher salaries in the years to come.

If A-Rod were a basketball player who could pretty much win singlehandedly every game out, then it might be worth it. But, after all, he still only gets four or five at bats and a few chances in the field. To pour that much money ($179 million) into one player would handicap any kind of flexibility the Cubs might have down the road.

Yes, it’s quite possible the Cubs will find a way to screw up this golden opportunity to build a perennial contender, but at least they now have the option of not screwing it up. With A-Rod on board, all choice in the matter would be gone.

And I, for one (and Karen, for two), thought the conclusion to “The Matrix” trilogy was pretty outstanding, in spite of the critical drubbing it has taken.

First and foremost, the guts of what made “The Matrix” a sensation in the first place — the action sequences — are amazing. The two big set pieces — the battle in Zion and the final showdown between Neo and Agent Smith — are both fierce, mind-blowing, edge-of-your-seat jawgapers. To the extent that anyone disagrees, they are simply spoiled; no “Matrix” sequel could have the same impact the original did. You can’t do anything again for the first time.

The other major criticism I’ve read here and there is that the conclusion to “The Matrix” trilogy is insipid and illogical. Huh? Were these people paying attention to the first film? Remember, when Trinity brings Neo back to life by kissing him passionately and declaring her faith in him as The One.

Yeah, that was totally consistent with the proclamation earlier in the film that if a person is killed in the Matrix he’s dead in reality as well because “the body cannot live without the mind.”

All Movie Guide’s Jeremy Wheeler, in a very insightful review linked above, sums it up this way:

In no way will ‘Revolutions’ please everyone — some have walked away completely disappointed, while others came in looking for flaws — but if you stand back and look at the entire trilogy, there’s an undeniable theme that each film completely embraces and is the backbone of the series. … ‘The Matrix’ ends with love causing a miracle. ‘Reloaded’ ends with love causing a miracle. ‘Revolutions’ ends with love affecting everything and creating a new world.

All of the people who have lambasted both “Reloaded” and “Revolutions” — critics and fanboys alike — seem to have forgotten the “rules” constructed by the Wachowskis from the very beginning. Those rules are that love, faith and the human will to choose freely one’s own destiny are ultimately more powerful than any external control. That may or may not be true, and it may or may not be logical in the strictest sense, but those rules are strictly adhered to across all three films.

By juxtaposing the hard, cold mechanical worlds of the Matrix, Machine City and even Zion with the ultimately transformative power of faith and love, the Wachowski brothers argue that those latter qualities can overcome anything — even an unconvincing temporary truce with the machines. Love conquers all, don’t ya know?

Well, you’d be grumpy too if you had the misfortune of reliving a small part of your childhood last weekend on cable: “The Care Bears Movie.” The caliber of this mid-’80s flick’s animation is to “Finding Nemo” (which I also saw last weekend) as William Shatner’s voice is to Andreas Bocelli’s.

That this movie (which I’m quite sure my mother dutifully suffered through — unlike “The Smurfs and the Magic Flute,” which she decided to wait out in the theater lobby while I watched), essentially one giant commercial for the plush bears marketed by American Greetings was actually a hit is amazing to me.

It just goes to show you how really stupid kids are. Apparently, the movie inspired three sequels — I never knew that — and a TV show on ABC. Hmph.

I love the official Care Bears Web site, by the way, which boasts: “Care Bears became ‘America’s Teddy Bear’ with over 40 Million Care Bears toys sold between 1983 and 1987 alone.” Uh-huh. Wonder why they didn’t include any figures from the last 16 years.

Anyway, you can get all your Care Bears wallpapers and AOL buddy icons there, at “Download-a-lot.” If you actually get that reference, I fear for you.

Once you’ve had enough of that, fill out this quiz to find out which dysfunctional care bear you are.

And if the quiz results don’t come out right, take out your frustration on the Evil Care Bears by shooting the bejesus out of them.

It used to be that “news” stories in The Onion eerily foretold future trends, but this oft-linked story, “Americans demand increased protection from selves” comes a little bit late in the game.

Still funny, though:

“We can all agree that many choices are too important to be left up to a highly flawed individual,” Nathansen said. “Decisions that directly affect our health, or allow us to expose ourselves to potential risks, should be left to the wiser, cooler heads of the government.”

Yep. They’re from the government, and they’re here to help you help yourself.