Eight simple reasons why I’m jealous of my dog

Bob has got a lot going for him, the way I see it:

  1. He is gorgeous.
  2. He regularly draws positive attention and fondling from women.
  3. He sleeps, and wakes up, whenever he wants.
  4. He doesn’t need to worry about managing his diet.
  5. To achieve that slim summer look, all Bob needs to do is get a haircut. Shorn of all that fluff, he looks about 20 pounds lighter.
  6. His tongue has an impressive reach.
  7. He never says the wrong thing.
  8. He is highly unlikely to outlive the people he loves.