If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Self: Where can we go to see a can of SPAM in a puppet theater production?” the answer is the SPAM Museum in Austin, Minn.

Just take a right at the Hormel Food Plant, follow the smell of pork shoulder around the curve and onto SPAM Boulevard. To see more of the SPAM Museum courtesy of my trusty digital camera, click here.

UPDATE: Here’s Google’s satellite image of the area where the museum is located, but notice that if you try to zoom in any closer Google says that it doesn’t “have zoom imagery at this zoom level for this region.” Is SPAM HQ some kind of nuclear secret?

I did learn that during World War II, when 95 percent of SPAM produced was going straight to the war effort, the Hormel plant was heavily guarded and considered a national security site. Perhaps it’s deja vu all over again.

Meet Bob, the newest addition to the O’Reilly household:

Karen and I were fortunate enough to pick up this fun-loving, sweet and rambunctious 10-month-old Australian Shepherd at the Anti-Cruelty Society last weekend. He was the first dog we met when we walked in the door, and while we played with a couple of others I guess he won our hearts. He and Sport are getting along pretty well so far, though I guess Sport’s been too exhausted from playing with his “little” brother to blog about it all.

When we met Bob, he had no name. “No-Name Dog,” we called him, not wanting to get too attached before the adoption was approved. He was a transfer from animal control and ACS didn’t have any information about his background or anything. Perhaps he was a runaway, or the runt of the litter, or a bad fit with his previous owner given the breed’s high energy level. Whatever he was, he is ours now — an incredible value in more ways than one.

As we waited for i’s to get dotted and t’s to get crossed, we pondered what to call the Dog Formerly Known as No-Name. Karen was bereft of nomenclatorial inspiration, so it was left to me to cogitate on the matter. “Think, think, think,” I did. My mind seems to never stray too far from the art of Bob Dylan, so why not “Bob”? Good name for a good dog. Like Dylan, just when you think you know where Bob’s headed next he’s off in a different direction.

As Dylan once sang, “If dogs run free, then why not we / Across the swooping plain?” We’re delighted to have Bob running with us now. Welcome home, Bob. Welcome home.

Dog rescued from the shelter: $55.
Chicago Cubs teddy bear: $15.
Distracting me from work: Priceless.

Apparently, Karen needs some “ASSISTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!” in pulling together the funds for her latest extravagant purchase. I guess some princesses aren’t as spoiled as they’d like to think.

… It changes every day. No two games are alike. No two innings are alike. You learn something every day. Something different happens every day.

— Greg Maddux, on baseball

Once a team makes the playoffs, anything can happen. The 2004 Red Sox are the archetypal example to prove this truism. So there’s no point in attempting to divine who will win it all this year, and especially whether the Cubs will do it. But, obviously, they need to be in it to win it. I count eight teams in the National League (Atlanta, Florida, Chicago, Houston, St. Louis, Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco) with very good odds of making the playoffs, yet there are only four spots available.

In the Central Division, the Cardinals will come back to Earth somewhat, though even a 10-win dropoff from last year means a 95-win season. They lost Edgar Renteria, but gained Mark Mulder. They’re the obvious favorite. The Astros lost Carlos Beltran and Jeff Kent, but essentially gained Andy Pettitte since he was out almost all of last year with an injury. I think they’ll be worse than last year, but I think they’ll contend.

Of note is that the second-division teams won’t contend but will be tougher competition for the Cubs. Yes, even the Pirates — at least when Oliver Perez is pitching. This will hamper the Cubs’ overall win total and their chances for the Wild Card.

So, given the situation, here’s what I think needs to happen for the Cubs to be a sure-thing for October:

• Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano and Greg Maddux must each make at least 30 starts and perform up to at least their historic standards;
• The performance out of the No. 5 spot in the starting rotation must be league-average;
• The collection of retreads, disappointments and question marks known as the Cubs’ bullpen must have a great year combined;
• Every position player must have a career year, with the exception of Nomar Garciaparra, who only needs a 2003-caliber season.

Given that all of the above is very unlikely, unless a bunch of other teams really disappoint I put the odds of October baseball in Wrigley Field at 4-1. If everybody stays healthy for most of the year, it should be a nondisastrous season.

I just hope they finish over .500.

(Also posted to CubsNet.com.)