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Ponderings
Long time, no type
Note: This post was written using my Logitech io Personal Digital Pen. Originally, the underlined words were hyperlinked in HTML but I’m letting that slide this time around.

San Diego’s largest dog park
Click here for a few other photos from the Padres’ ballpark.
On your weddding day
Congratulations to Ozzie and Jesse on their wedding! Click for a few more photos.
You looked so fine
You were locked in time
By the ring that binds you
On your wedding day
May your candle burn brightly — for as long as you both shall live.
Now I am somewhat more American
Here are a few photos of my oldest new toy, a 1958-vintage Royal All-American manual portable typewriter. It’s great fun to write with, as long as my correspondents don’t mind a few typos here and there.
Check out Independence Business Machines for all your Chicago-area typewriter needs. Steve Kazmier, the owner, is a very friendly and knowledgeable man.

The funny thing about our encounter is that even though I was already determined to buy a typewriter (why else would I visit his store?), Mr. Kazmier insisted on making some perfunctory and altogether unpersuasive arguments for why a manual typewriter might be preferable as a writing tool and not mere kitsch.

For instance, he said: “Now you can write even if the power goes out!”

“Uh-huh,” I said. “So how much is it?”
Leather memories
A couple of weeks ago I was breaking in the baseball glove I bought for Karen — and, I admit, having a little fun myself — in the best way I knew how. I took the glove and a new rubber ball out to the alley and played catch with myself by bouncing the ball off the brick wall of an adjacent building.
For generations, I believe, this has been a refuge for solitary children in the city who had no park nearby and no friend handy to play catch with. Do kids even do this anymore? I’ve no idea. They’re likely not allowed to play alone outside anymore. Play mustn’t be disorganized, you know. You’ve got to be in a league or have a date to play, chaperoned at all times.
And God forbid you toss a ball against some neighbor’s wall. You might break a window, after all. But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? You might.
Anyway, it was a weekday afternoon I had chosen for my solitary play/glove breaking-in session. An overweight 27-year-old playing catch by himself tends to get looks. Curious looks. But mostly, indifferent looks, thank goodness for the anonymizing tendencies of the city.
I threw grounders. I threw pop-ups. I threw missiles to first to get a blazing runner just in time. My mind drew back to the last time I’d done this, probably when I was 12 or 13. Greg Maddux was in his first go-round with the Cubs. I pretended to be Maddux, pitching a perfect game on 27 straight ground balls to win the World Series.
So I played and worked up a sweat and the squeeze on the glove got a little easier. My glove hand smelled of sweat and oil and leather. Then, I spotted a very nice-looking black lady walking by. She had on slacks, high heels, a long-sleeve blouse and … a faux-fur vest.
As she walked the 15 paces between when she first saw me and where I disappeared behind the building that formed the other half of the alley, her look went from surprise to confusion to recognition to joy. She gave me a big smile. I tipped my cap and threw the ball, and she disappeared.
Then she stepped back into view.
“Hey,” she said. I looked in her direction.
“Yeah?” I said, fearing she’d give me a hard time about bothering the neighbors or something similarly adultish.
“Do you mind if I throw a couple?” she asked sheepishly.
“Not at all,” I said, simultaneously relieved and amazed. “Not at all! Please, go ahead. Be my guest.”
I slipped off my glove and handed it to her as she put down her cute little purse.
“I haven’t done this since I was 10 years old,” she said, as she rared back to throw one off the wall. She missed it on the rebound and went chasing after the ball as it skipped underneath a nearby car.
She threw another and this time she caught it.
“Not bad for a 45-year-old, huh?”
“No, not bad at all,” I said.
“Just a couple more,” she said, as if I’d ever dream of taking the glove out of her hands.
“Go head. Take your time.”
She kept throwing and catching, throwing and catching, missing and skipping and chasing, getting a little short of breath. Periodically she’d promise “just a couple more” as I looked on with arms folded and a big smile, the way a father looks at a daughter who’s just mastered the jump rope.
After a few minutes, she reluctantly handed over the glove.
“Sure you don’t want to throw a few more?” I offered.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” she said, catching her breath. “So you don’t think they mind?” she said, pointing to indicate the occupants of the building.
“Nah, I don’t think so,” I said. “Now if I came out here at three in the morning it might be different. I figure it’s OK as long as I don’t break a window. If somebody complains, I’ll stop.” How long ago did I learn that etiquette?
“That was fun,” she said. “I don’t have a glove anymore.”
“Well, you ought to buy one,” I said. “I just bought this one. Not too expensive. Get a ball and a glove, and I’ll see you out here.”
“Maybe I will,” she said in a way that indicated the idea was both entirely new yet not totally childish.
We introduced ourselves and I yelled a hopeful “See ya!” as she disappeared behind the building. I haven’t been out for another solitary catch since then. Haven’t had much time, and the weather’s been lousy. So I haven’t seen her since. And I don’t remember her name.
But I do like to think that later that evening, as she drew her glove hand up to her face and smelled the oil and the sweat and the leather, that she recalled the day when she was 10 and threw 27 straight grounders to win the World Series.
Monterey chicken fiasco
I had a hankering today for what back East they call grinders, which are essentially submarine sandwiches except they are toasted resulting in crispy, melty goodness. Though I’ve never had a Quizno’s Sub, as far as I understand it they are just grinders with fancy bread.
There just so happens to be a great grinder joint here in Chicago called Eastern Style Pizza, which advertises “East Coast recipes in Chicago.”
After much deliberation, I decided on the Monterey chicken grinder. Before reading the menu description of the sandwich below, please place your protective plastic drool covering on the keyboard now, so as to avoid any salivation-related malfunctions later:
Skinless grilled chicken breast, garlic sauce, sweet cooked peppers, tomato sauce, and melted mozzarella cheese … on large French bread baked till crispy and golden brown in our stone bottom oven.
The Monterey chicken grinder, along with my 32-ounce orange soda, totaled $8.37. I grabbed my Sun-Times and took a seat to wait for my indescribably delicious treat. Having already read the Trib, it didn’t take me more than a few minutes to finish the Sun-Times since it had nothing unique to offer.
I sipped my soda and stared out the window wistfully, anxiously glancing back toward the counter, hoping they’d call out my order soon. Finally, after 15 grueling minutes, the (probably Greek) counter man looked at me and said, “Monterey chicken! You’re up!”
(Incidentally, I know I’m in the right kind of place when I’m referred to by the name of the food I’ve ordered.)
I hopped up and grabbed my grinder, which came wrapped in deli paper on one of those red plastic trays, which was perfectly shaped to accommodate the grinder. I took two eager steps back toward my booth near the window when tragedy struck. It wasn’t as if I had my hands full. I wasn’t fumbling around with my wallet or a drink. I just fumbled the damn tray.
It came tumbling out of my hands and before I could even think to yell “Noooooooooooo!!!” slow-motion style a la Clint Eastwood in “In the Line of Fire” the whole gooey, sloppy, delicious concoction was on the floor, a totally unredeemable mess.
I picked it up and threw it away. I was too embarrassed to even ask if they might be willing to replace my order at no cost, and moreover I didn’t see the justice of such a request. I certainly didn’t want to wait another 15 minutes. The moment was gone. I grabbed my 32-ounce orange soda, left the Sun-Times, and headed for the truck.
The smell of those freshly sliced tomatoes still haunts me.
Cited
In a transparent attempt to stave off further litigation, McDonald’s is now offering what it calls the Go Active Happy Meal, which includes a bottle of water, a salad and a stepometer. You’ve probably heard about it. What does it say about American journalism that a slight change in McDonald’s menu is big news?
Anyhow, when I visited McDonald’s recently to purchase precisely the type of food that a jury will inevitably conclude I had no idea might be bad for me, I saw an ad on the cash register for this new happy meal.
It featured an average-sized woman in capri pants walking up a flight of cartoon stairs. The copy read: “Have you ever wondered about how many steps there are between here … and there?”
I thought to myself, “No, I haven’t.”
To my surprise, the lady who was apparently the narrator of this little ad agreed: “I’ve never wondered either …”
But, but, BUT: the copy continued: “… but now I’m curious!”
Why would she suddenly be curious? Just because McDonald’s is including a stepometer to go along with a crappy salad? And why would the McDonald’s copywriter behind the ad admit that nobody who wasn’t brain dead has ever really wondered how many steps there are “between here … and there”?
I guess when folks trying to bilk millions out of you argue in court that they’re too stupid to know your greasy, fatty food does not constitute a healthy diet, you tend to treat them like the idiots they claim to be.
Are you feelin’ lucky, punk?
I recall that, way back in 1997 or so, one of the reasons I began to regularly use my middle initial in my writings online and for my published journalism pieces was so that it would be easier to find my stuff online.
There are a lot of Kevin O’Reillys out there, but not so many Kevin B. O’Reillys. But now, thanks to this blog, I’m pretty easy to be found. While Googling for “Kevin B. O’Reilly” is still your best bet, a number of different combinations — with middle initial and without, with quotation marks and without — give you this blog as the number one search result in Google.
Go ahead. Type in Kevin O’Reilly, click the I’m Feeling Lucky button and see where you wind up.
Pretty cool, huh?
The most obnoxious generation
Could Tom Brokaw be anymore unctuous and obnoxious than he’s being during his moderation of this presidential debate in South Carolina?
See what happens to best-selling authors?
Come on, baby, light my Firebird
I downloaded Mozilla’s Firebird a while back and after some hemming and hawing decided to make it my default Web browser. Their development team has worked up a reasonable approximination of the Google toolbar, but still have plenty of bugs in their Yahoo! Companion imitation.
Tabbed browsing overcomes a lot, however, and Windows XP seems to cooperate pretty well with changing the default browser, which was surprising to me. Anyhow, I wanted to show Karen the tabbed browsing feature and she said, “Oh, Kevin!”
A smile crept across her face, her voice softened, her heart melted, her body writhed with desire.
“You know about Firebird? I’m so impressed!”
Yeah, I married the right girl.
UPDATE: Karen points out that her exact words were, “That is SO sexy!” Thanks for refreshing my recollection, babe.
Forgive? Forget it!
So says Steve Chapman in a very nice column today about public figures whoss less than credible apologies shouldn’t earn our forgiveness.
Aside from Pete Rose, obviously, the list includes Stephen Glass, Oliver North, G. Gordon Liddy, Dan Rostenkowski and Arnold Schwarznegger.
Chapman’s model for penance “is the Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV, who, after being excommunicated for defying the pope, stood outside the papal castle for three days, barefoot in the snow, before he was granted clemency.”
He concludes: “Rose, Glass and the others may have won mercy from the Almighty. If they want it from the rest of us, though, I’d say: Take off your shoes and go stand in the snow. When your 72 hours is up, we’ll forgive you. Maybe.”
Collage town
Check out these cool collages of Chicago scenes (and others) by artist Phineas X. Jones.
Some favorites:
Thanks to Gapers’ Block for the link.

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