There it sits. Unloved. Unwanted. But why?

In the lobby of my building, the gift of a wide world full of possibilities awaits the “Current Resident” who has the wisdom to simply take it.

The shiny metal case, promising “1045 FREE HOURS!” But why won’t anyone pity that poor America Online promo CD?

“I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?!” it cries. “I just want to overcharge you for crappy connection service and allow spammers to target you mercilessly.”

Yet, amazingly, no one is interested. Oh, “Current Resident,” when will you ever learn?

The Cubs’ second baseman of the future will retain that status for now, as the club sent Bobby Hill down to Triple-A Iowa to somehow find the form that deserted him this spring, when he hit .154 and made five errors.

It’s a shame, because the Cubs’ needs all the help it can get. Hill was supposed to be a catalyst, a guy who could get on base ahead of Sosa, Alou and Choi.

But sending him to Iowa is the right move. Give him a month or two there to regain his form. I just hope Grudzielanek doesn’t show a sudden spark that might make Baker hesitant to play Hill most of the time when he gets called back up.

Chicagoans who watch TV are doubtless familiar with Empire Carpet, a shop-at-home carpet service that for years has had a catchy jingle, “588-2300 … Empire!”

And now they’ve gone and changed it. Now, the slogan is, “800-588-2300, Empire Today!” It just doesn’t sound right, not to these ears which have for lo these many years been comforted during many a dark moment by that catchy jingle.

Sure, the new jingle better imparts Empire’s quick service, but at what price, I ask you. At what price?

It’s only since I began regularly walking our dog, Sport, that I’ve realized how much discarded food winds up the sidewalks and gutters of your average city street — or at least, our average city street. And of course Sport seems to find every scrap.

Now, I understand how a french fry might fall out of a McDonald’s bag in the rush home, or how some bread crumbs the birds weren’t interested in could be hanging around. But on our walk last night, I saw Sport had found something.

It was dark, but I could see the outline of this massive object hanging from his little mouth. I bent down to get a closer look, and it was a damn half slab of ribs!

Not a rib. An entire half slab of discarded ribs. How does this happen? In what alternate universe are people randomly leaving half slabs of ribs on the sidewalk?

Lucinda Williams’ new album, “World Without Tears,” is hitting stores April 8. Here’s a profile of this fantastic singer-songwriter in the New York Daily News.

“Porn Star: The Legend of a Ron Jeremy” is a very funny and sad documentary look at the life of porn ambassador (and performer) Ron Jeremy. It is now on sale.

Here’s a profile/review of Jeremy and the movie I wrote for the Columbia Chronicle, and here’s a Q&A with the man himself.