Teeming with excitement

When are you truly a fan? When the artist’s mediocre or spectacularly bad output is just as fascinating to you as his high points.

This is why, to we pathetic souls enamored of one Bob Dylan, the children’s choir on his version of Kris Kristofferson’s “They Killed Him” or Bob’s double-tracked version of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Boxer” — to achieve the effect of a duet, you see — is just as fascinating as Al Kooper’s organ on “Like a Rolling Stone” or the clicking of Bob’s buttons against the base of the guitar on the long-unreleased version of “Idiot Wind.”

Which is why I’m so excited to see Bob’s new movie, “Masked and Anonymous,” which he supposedly co-wrote with director Larry Charles and has been receiving scathing reviews all around.

For example, in a column called “Bob Dylan Undone” in The New York Observer, Ron Rosenbaum writes:

In this case, the kindest thing I can say is this: Bob Dylan needs a friend. It’s painful (and a little cruel) to say, but that was my chief reaction to having seen Masked and Anonymous, not once, but twice.

Yes, I’m sure he has plenty of “friends” — all the people who told him his new movie was brilliant in concept and execution: “Don’t change a thing, Bob.” All the professors and poets who shamelessly sucked up to him with their praise. I’m sure they were really good friends. (And I’m sure there are some hardcore fans who will find the film fabulous.)

Maybe what I’m saying is that he needs a different kind of friend, the kind who could say to him, for instance: Don’t you realize how incredibly vain your pose of humility in this film makes you seem? Don’t you realize how silly it is to call your character “Jack Fate”? Don’t you realize that you’ve made several lifetimes’ worth of brilliant music? (Only a couple of instances of which are on the soundtrack.) You don’t need to make a painfully pretentious film that does nothing but diminish the respect the music deserves.

It should be fun! Even better — or worse — than “Hearts of Fire.” A man can only dream.

Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Dubya?

A joint congressional inquiry reveals that there is not now, nor has there ever been, an Iraq-Al Qaeda connection.(Update: This story was corrected; apparently the reporter was misfed by a source. Nonetheless, the Iraq-Al Qaeda connection’s still very shaky.)

Why did Dubya keep saying that in all of his speeches? In fact, in Dubya’s March 17 speech giving Hussein and his boys 48 hours to vamoose, he said Iraq “has aided, trained and harbored terrorists, including operatives of Al Qaeda.”

Up to the last minute, Dubya was straining to tie Iraq and Al Qaeda together tighter than a yellow ribbon ’round the old oak tree. Maybe he just forgot that there was no evidence to back up the bogus claim. That seems to be happening a lot with this administration.

Josh Marshall, as usual, has been all over this:

It would be one thing if the administration had pursued this war because of weapons of mass destruction and, in so doing, pumped up the evidence to strengthen the case. Perhaps, one might hypothesize, they knew there was a lot of chemical and biological weapons production underway and the beginnings of a major push for nuclear weapons and, to seal the deal, said the nuclear program was further along than it was.

But this greatly understates the scope of the problem. Not only was the WMD issue (and the allied issue of Iraq’s connection to al Qaida) systematically exaggerated, the entire WMD issue — and the nexus to non-state terrorist groups like al Qaida — wasn’t even the main reason for the war itself. So the case for war amounted to one dishonesty wrapped inside another — not quite Churchill’s “riddle, wrapped in mystery, inside an enigma” but not that far off it either. …

But over time after 9/11 one overriding theory of the war did take shape: it was to get America irrevocably on the ground in the center of the Middle East (thus fundamentally reordering the strategic balance in the region), bring to a head the country’s simmering conflict with its enemies in the region, and kick off a democratic transformation of the region which would over time dissipate the root causes of anti-American terrorism and violence: autocracy, poverty and fanaticism.

That is why we are in Iraq today. That is the theory of this war.

Marshall concludes that this was a much more complex case to make which, frankly, Dubya & Co. didn’t the American public could understand or support. So, when faced with the inescapable difficulty of trying to sell a preemptive war being fought for an uncertain purpose with an unpredictable post-war scenario, the administration [take your pick: hyped / exaggerated / misled / deceived / fabricated / lied] its way into it.

And now, 2,000 more troops are being sent to Liberia to back up the administration’s newfound liberation theology.

It doesn’t matter, now, though. All of this is, as Dubya likes to say, “revisionist history.” The new history being written, day by day, is not about whether the United States government tasks itself with the mission of remaking the entire Middle East, but how well or poorly that mission will be carried out.

So a 22nd-century historian says

G-Rod has Illinois state prison workers taping Downstate news programs so he can keep track of what everybody’s saying about him.

Reminds me of the scene from Woody Allen’s “Sleeper“:

Historian: We weren’t sure at first what to make of this, but we developed a theory: When people committed great crimes against the state, they were forced to watch this.

Miles Monroe: Yes. That’s exactly what it was.

Except the only crime these folks have committed is to get hired by the state prison system. Poor schmoes.

Verdict to be named later

The Cubs’ trade for centerfielder Kenny Lofton and third baseman Aramis Ramirez may help the Cubs in the short term, though it’s hard to tell how much.

While Lofton’s definitely stronger than Tom Goodwin in center, he doesn’t come close to replacing Corey Patterson’s team-leading offensive contributions. He and Ramirez together barely approach Patterson’s statistics before he went down with the torn ACL.

Ramirez is young and may yet develop into a great player. He is signed through 2004 so who knows? Maybe he’ll be The Next Santo everyone keeps praying for.

The trade certainly makes the Cubs better now than they were before, but I highly doubt it’s good enough to get them the division title. The Cubs offense is still anemic and Shawn Estes can’t seem to get past the fourth inning, so that’s an automatic loss every five days.

The final word on this trade will come when we learned who the player to be named later is. If it’s another B-level prospect like pitcher Matt Bruback, then whoopdedoo. If it’s something more, I’ll be sore.

The “win now” focus is just fine, but I just don’t think there’s much to be said for this team. It’s at .500 now and has played worse than .500 for most of the season. I don’t see how it has merited any great investment.

With their nucleus of pitching talent, the Cubs have lots of time to win. Time may be all they have.