Day: March 23, 2003

My Oscar picks

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

I have a pretty good track record at the Oscar party I attend annually (I believe I’ve at least placed for the last three or four years running), and below are my picks. Normally, I’d provide commentary explaining them, but I don’t have time tonight.

In fact, the whole process has been rushed this year. Normally, I’d have spent the weeks leading up to tonight monitoring buzz, watching the movies, etc. (though, actually, viewing the nominated films can be a detriment since then your partiality to one film or another may get in the way of correctly predicting the Academy’s taste). Nonetheless, here we go.

  • Supporting actress: Catherine Zeta-Jones, “Chicago”
  • Supporting actor: Chris Cooper, “Adaptation”
  • Documentary feature: “Bowling for Columbine”
  • Documentary short: “Twin Towers”
  • Animated short film: “Mike’s New Car”
  • Live action short film: “Johnny Flynton”
  • Art direction: “Gangs of New York”
  • Cinematography: “Road to Perdition”
  • Costume design: “Chicago”
  • Sound: “Chicago”
  • Sound editing: “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”
  • Visual effects: “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”
  • Film editing: “Chicago”
  • Original score: “The Hours”
  • Makeup: “Frida”
  • Animated feature: “Lilo & Stitch”
  • Foreign language film: “Nowhere in Africa”
  • Original song: “I Move On,” from “Chicago”
  • Adapted screenplay: “The Hours”
  • Original screenplay: “Far From Heaven”
  • Leading actress: Renee Zellwegger, “Chicago”
  • Leading actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, “Gangs of New York”
  • Directing: Rob Marshall, “Chicago”
  • Best picture: “Chicago”

I’ll report tomorrow on how many I got right. Usually 15 or 16 out of 24 categories correct is good enough to place. Here’s a good site comparing the critics’ picks to click. Good luck!

For the record, I hope Scorsese and “The Two Towers” win big.

Stevie Chapman’s on fire

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

Steve Chapman, probably my favorite columnist, is once again absolutely on the money with his latest two columns.

The first addresses a fact conservative hawks are so loath to admit (or perhaps not-so-secretly glad about, depending) about the Iraq war, which is that is a huge boost for big government.

And today’s column targets the American military’s biggest enemy: a U.S. government that wants it to police the entire world, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

You tell ’em, Stevie.

Showtime Friday nights

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

Has anyone else been watching Showtime’s new Friday-night lineup? Both “Family Business” and “Penn & Teller: Bullshit!” are very funny.

“Family Business,” a reality TV treatment of the life of adult filmmaker Adam Glasser — aka Seymore Butts — borrows elements a little too obviously from “The Osbournes.” Glasser’s mother and cousin work with him in the business, and once again the juxtaposition of the protagonist’s wacky show biz career and typical home life is supposed to have us weak-kneed with laughter.

And while there are some funny bits — people’s reactions to what Adam does for a living never gets old, for example — the show’s already a little bit tired after only a few episodes.

“Penn & Teller: Bullshit!” is just genius, though. Penn’s narration is hilarious, and his use of precisely the right swear word at just the right time to puncture his target’s pompousness is priceless. I highly recommend the program.

Touchdowns for some, miniature American flags for others

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

And today, I was fortunate enough to attend with my dad and my stepbrother and his family a Chicago Rush game. The Rush is an arena football team; you may have seen arena football on NBC the last few weeks.

If not, I haven’t the energy to explain. The game wasn’t particularly interesting anyway. The big treat was a free miniature American flag for every fan attending the game. Apparently, we were supposed to feel bad for attending a trivial sporting event while our brave troops are fighting in Iraq to defend our liberty to — among other things — attend trivial sporting events.

At half time, I went to a merchandise booth in search of a foam helmet. It’s made of the same material as those No. 1 fingers. I asked the clerk at the booth whether the helmet was only for kids or if they also had adult sizes. “One size fits all,” he said. I tried on the helmet but it wasn’t as hilariously kitschy as I’d hoped.

I was too embarrassed to say that I didn’t like the foam helmet — I mean, what kind of high standards would bring you to even consider purchasing such an item in the first place? So I said facetiously, “Jeez, this doesn’t offer too much protection.”

I admit it wasn’t too funny, and I was not surprised that the clerk didn’t laugh. I was surprised when he took me seriously and said, “Well, yeah. You probably shouldn’t go ramming your head into anything with that on.”

I had no response. I handed him the foam helmet and bought a regular cap.

We were treated to the joys of the Adrenaline Rush Dancers, whom I promptly dubbed, “The Methamphetamines.” I’m not sure what exactly it is about cheerleading squads — er, dance squads — that turns me off.

There’s something about the way they all move in perfect unison, with their hair flipping in the same direction at the exact same time, that creeps me out. They seem like little robots with dyed hair. But that’s probably just me.

A burger, a doughnut, no inflatabulls

/ Kevin B. O'Reilly

It’s a measure of how far the Bulls have fallen that one rates a game nowadays based on the entertainment value of the goofy fan competitions, half time entertainment, and scoreboard giveaways.

Last night, the Bulls beat the Knicks 100-98 in a typically lackluster game characterized by lots of turnovers, though the Bulls Eddie Curry was impressive and the Bulls were able to penetrate very successfully against the Knicks’ porous defense.

But the most significant thing about the final score is that by reaching the century mark, everyone in attendance was entitled to a free Big ‘N Tasty sandwich from McDonald’s within 48 hours.

Oh, the joy. Not to mention that the animated scoreboard race between Cuppy Coffee, Biggy Bagel and Dashing Donut came out in my favor. Because Dashing won I am also entitled to a free doughnut within 48 hours. There’s a nutritious combo for you.

Unfortunately, the evening was not ideal since the most entertaining Bulls’ timeout contest was not presented. That is when two fans are packed inside of a huge, inflatable Benny the Bull costumes and race across the full length of the court against one another.

Of course, they can hardly move inside the costumes and if you are fortunate enough to see one of the contestants trip and fall, you will laugh as never before. To watch the person vainly struggle to get right side up again is to understand perfectly the essence of hilarity.

Once again, we were denied.