Whether or not you like Cap’n Crunch Oops! All Berries, it’s pretty sensible that an accident at Crunch HQ actually resulted in the cereal. This is manifestly not the case with the Cap’n’s latest “mistake,” Oops! Choco Donuts.

You see, Cap’n Crunchberries were first introduced in 1967. They are a mixture of the regular yellowish things (biscuits, apparently) with some red things that are flavored like berries. But then, in 1997, there was a terrible accident. According to the Cap’n Crunch FAQ, it went down like this:

Despite popular belief, ‘Oops! All Berries’ did not come from an incident at Crunch Headquarters with some mischievous kids. This flavor actually stemmed out of the Capn’s promotion to Admiral. When the Cap’n was promoted, the Quaker Oats Company had to find new Capn’s to fill the positions vacated by the newly promoted Admiral Crunch.

During training at Crunch Headquarters, two new Capn’s — Cap’n Scrinch and Cap’n Munch — were trying to learn how to man the Crunch Berrie and Crunch Biscuit mixing machine that put the two flavors together in the Crunch Berries boxes. While trying to impress Admiral Crunch, they fought over the control handles, breaking them, and creating Cereal Boxes with JUST Berries. Thankfully, the Admiral had his Art Department slap together a box front for the new cereal, which is now enjoyed by millions.

Sure, it’s a little convoluted, but in the end this story makes some sense. In case you were wondering, the Admiral Crunch referred to above is the same guy as Cap’n Crunch. Apparently he was promoted to admiral after years of complaints from fans. It was this very accident that convinced him to resume his post as captain and, hence, a more hands-on role.

So now that the Cap’n is back on the scene, what kind of accident could possibly result in Oops! Choco Donuts? There’s nothing even close to chocolate donuts in any of the other Cap’n Crunch cereals. Certainly, you wouldn’t think that the folks working at Crunch HQ would be eating chocolate donuts for breakfast on the job. Even if they were, there wouldn’t be enough for a whole box of cereal, not to mention millions of boxes. And no broken lever could turn a box of regular Cap’n Crunch into a box of miniature chocolate donuts.

I suppose this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Cap’n Crunch history is filled with weirdness, such as his long battle against the Soggies. Naturally, I’m not the first person to complain about this sad, inexplicable and indefensible turn of events.

I did some errands with my dad today, including a trip to his bank. I remarked that I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been inside a bank, since I pretty much do all my banking through ATMs. My dad, incredibly enough, does not know how to operate an ATM. He said someone showed him once and it seemed confusing.

So after he concluded his business, I decided to do him the favor of giving him a quick demo. And it went well and Dad saw how easy it was. The one question — “Where does the deposit envelope go?” — was handled with ease. But I forgot the last step. I didn’t realize it until I arrived home later, but that last step is crucial. Once your transaction is completed, Dad, remember to remove your ATM card!

Otherwise, the machine eats it and you’ve got to wait 10 business days for them to issue a new card. Argh. That’s the second time in the last few months that I’ve left my card in the machine. Maybe my dad has the right idea after all about not using ATMs.