What are the words I most dread hearing in my public speaking class? “I’m going to read a poem I wrote.” Even worse than that are the following words: “This poem is called, ‘More About Me Than You Really Needed to Know.'”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it happened. It was at that precise moment that I took the opportunity to fake a burning desire to use the bathroom. I may have written my share of bad poetry in my time, but at least I’m courteous enough not to inflict on unsuspecting, involuntary subjects.

This woman, this woman. Do you remember the Jerri Blank character from “Strangers With Candy” on Comedy Central? That’s just about this woman’s fashion sense for you. Assigned to do a dramatic reading in class she read Poe’s “The Raven.” Could you get any more clichéd? Jeez.

Fortunately, I don’t now know more than I “really needed to know” about this her. But I did get some Skittles and a ginger ale after pretending to go to the washroom. So I guess it all worked out OK.