Adams’ history values

So, let’s say you’re Kirk Ellis – the guy who got the chance to turn David McCullough’s Pulitzer Prize-winning, popular biography of American founder John Adams into a top-shelf, seven-part HBO miniseries. You could stick to the facts of Adams’ life, which are more than dramatic enough, in telling a gripping tale.

Or you could construct a totally bogus subplot about how Adams’ son, Thomas, drank himself to death due to resentment over his father’s (inaccurately represented) long absences from home. That is just one of the many, many needless and pointless inaccuracies, not to mention egregious distortions, in the miniseries. After all, what better way to honor a national hero than to lie relentlessly about his life and family?

Look, screenwriters: If you want to make stuff up, write fictional screenplays. If you want to write “fact-based tales,” then stick to the facts as opposed to, say, conveying the notion that Adams’ daughter Nabby’s husband deserted her and her family when in reality he did not. Whatever. I keep telling myself I will stop getting worked up about this sort of thing, but I am compelled to watch these biopics and then discover how brutally and stupidly they disort the truth.

The D(og)-list

Speaking of Bob, he may have lots of nicknames but he won’t be hanging out with Brangelina anytime soon. His 2007 flick, “The Fluff Factor,” was a miserable failure at the box office. Bet you never even heard of it. Really, the marketing campaign was lousy.

Cool poster, though, courtesy of the folks at Big Huge Labs. Maybe a different tagline would have done the trick? I passed on “Killing them softly … with his fluff.”

The Fluff Factor

What’s in a name?

I’m not sure of the answer, but consider this an update to a previously posted — and subsequently lost — list of my dog Bob‘s many, many nicknames. They represent my feeble attempt to capture, nominally, this Australian Shepherd‘s central characteristics of excitability, huggability, and — uh — furrability.

You may already know him as Tubby — which of course is short for Tubford Wigglesworth — due to his fondness for chillaxin’ in the bathtub come summertime. Here, in no particular order, are some other nicknames that have occurred to me, accompanied by links to the names that inspired them when applicable.

  1. Bobby Wigglesworth
  2. Bob Cozy
  3. Fluffernutter
  4. FluffBob NoPants
  5. Fluff Monster
  6. Fluffy Guy
  7. Sir Fluffalot
  8. Bob Barker
  9. Stay Fluft Marshamallow Pup
  10. Sweetie Pie (aka Coconut Cream Pie — see the resemblance?)
  11. Pretty Boy Fluff
  12. Fluffy Pupper/Puppy Fluffer (doesn’t seem right to count this twice)
  13. Blizzard of Bob
  14. Roberto Fluffmente
  15. Bobtos — The Fluffmaker!
  16. Capt. Fluffy Pants (aka Capt. Softy Pants, Fuzzy Pants, or Sandy Pants — depending on the condition of his pants)
  17. Dr. Wigglegood
  18. Capt. KaBob
  19. Bob Loblaw
  20. Max Fluff

I’ll update this post if I remember any others.

Wise up

Roger Ebert adds “Magnolia” to his list of “great movies” today, writing a new review for the occasion. He concludes:

“Magnolia” is one of those rare films that works in two entirely different ways. In one sense, it tells absorbing stories, filled with detail, told with precision and not a little humor. On another sense, it is a parable. The message of the parable, as with all good parables, is expressed not in words but in emotions. After we have felt the pain of these people, and felt the love of the policeman and the nurse, we have been taught something intangible, but necessary to know.

This should not come as too much of a surprise, considering that Ebert has always been very supportive of Paul Thomas Anderson’s work and gave “Magnolia” four stars when it came out. Still, it is nice to see this unfairly derided film get such a high profile plaudit.

A thankless proposition

Unlike some people, I adore each element of the traditional Thanksgiving meal. I wish I could have Thanksgiving dinner all year ’round. How about a theme restaurant where every day is Thanksgiving? All the great fixings without any of the hassle — or in-laws.

Call it … Thanks!

You know, waiters in pilgrim outfits, waitresses dressed like Indians wearing feathers in their hair. Breakfast is turkey omelettes with a side of stuffing. Lunch is “leftover” turkey sandwiches. TVs showing the Detroit Lions losing on a loop. Have a section of the menu with 1621-style offerings.

Some taglines:

  • Thanks! — Thanksgiving day, any day of the year
  • Thanks! — We’re grateful you came
  • Thanks! — Thanksgiving leftovers delivered fresh to your table

This started in my mind as a joke, but now it’s developed into a half-baked idea.

Gain, then maintain

Folks all over are working to not pack on any pounds over the winter holidays as part of “maintain, not gain” fitness campaigns. Well, the approach I believe I’ve perfected is to eat as gluttonously as though it were the holiday season for the other 10 months of the year. It’s hard to gain much when you’ve already given yourself the leeway of 70 pounds’ excess weight.

Why won’t Dick Wolf pay for scissors?

You know, after 18 years you’d think the writers of “Law & Order” wouldn’t have to rip things from the headlines anymore. I mean, what’s the rush? Shouldn’t this be pretty routine by now? Just take out a pair of scissors and carefully clip the article out of the newspaper and paste it into your story idea scrapbook.

Or nowadays, really, aren’t the writers all probably using LexisNexis or Google News Alerts to dredge up interesting real-life crime stories to spin into fact-based teleplays? So why are the promos so misleading?

I guess “ripped from the headlines” sounds better than “mouse-clicked from the headlines.”

Overcoming

Wow. What an incredible night. Millions of Americans went to the polls and were able to overcome this country’s ugly history of prejudice.

It’s no secret what the barrier was tonight for the Democratic ticket. Would Americans be able to put aside the sneering, misguided, hateful jokes and elect a man with hair plugs as vice president? And they did. Truly a national turning point.